I hate Jerry jonesing. Following Phish around just ain't the same...

Its the St. Albans Bulldogs, not the "Saints."

Look, I'm sure you mean well Jesseco09, but we can't even let prisoners read your comment history without running afoul of the Eighth Amendment. The fact of the matter is that your cheesy puns and "real talk" anecdotes just don't meet the lofty Deadspin comment standards that "we" want.

It's not just autographing helmets. Darren Rovell now reports that Manziel is pressuring the Czech prime minister to let him annex the Sudetenland. Fucking entitled athletes...

If you wanna cop a look at Kevin Smith's penis, he will oblige.

Daly has a tradition of sending out a tweet after he's finished 18. Not sure what he does after he's finished a round of golf.

So The Royals Are The Hottest Team In Baseball

Isn't this just like asking "What Would Happen If Chris Bosh Were the Least Respected Player in the NBA?"

Todd Haley saw you riding the Manhattan-bound Brooklyn Q train.

Todd Haley memorizes Garbage Pail Kids card to make sure his son's snotty friends get what's coming to them.

Todd Haley won't vaccinate his kids because "Papa don't raise no dummies."

Todd Haley illegally donates plasma at TWO different centers each week.

When Todd Haley has to remember the names of black people, he uses the mnemonic device of just calling all of them 'Dwayne Bowe'

Todd Haley will fart in his hand and wave it in a child's face.

Todd Haley named his penis 'Big Ben' in college.

"Bang a Solid Gold dancer" is no. 7 on Todd Haley's bucket list

Todd Haley doesn't know how to spell 'Amistad'.

Todd Haley has a shirt that reads "Vaccines don't give kids autism, I do."

The license plate on Todd Haley's camaro reads "My other ride is a camaro."
The plate on that car? "My other ride is your mom."

Todd Haley likes it when he gets older but the ladies in his March 1976 copy of Oui magazine stay the same age