It's ok. You belong here. You're one of US now.

Jason Terry was in a history class with me and he was the opposite of Bibby. Showed up every day prepared, active in discussions, very smart and insightful. So I couldn't say that all late '90s Arizona basketball players were morons...just a lot of them.

I don't think it's bad to be starstruck by athletes at your college. But once you realize they're a dumbshit just like you (or worse), you should be required to stop being starstruck.

No Mr. Daly, we don't have any specials today.

Good, it's about time WE started selling inferior goods to the Chinese.

Stripper on First Day of New Job: "A lot of clients like it when we say we're working our way through a trade school, like cosmetology school, but they're kinda put off when we say smart stuff like business school or something. What do you suggest we say?"

I've heard this about twenty times the last few years: "Ooh, you say that, but Detroit's gotten so much better the last few years, with a real focus on creativity and the arts. It's really experiencing a hipster rebirth." Too bad you can't pay municipal pensions with hugs and crap from a vintage store.

Not bad considering they didn't use photoshop but rather actual pieces of Griffey's hamstring.

I've always thought Terrell Suggs looks like a C.H.U.D.

Todd Haley found a rat in a McDonalds salad and sued them for $1.7 million.

Todd Haley uses the Borat voice whenever he talks to someone with a foreign accent.

Todd Haley skipped his Dad's funeral to go to an REO Speedwagon concert.

Todd Haley is involved in a patent lawsuit against the makers of Truck Nutz

Todd Haley sticks his fingers in the chocolate fountain at Golden Corral.

Todd Haley did all of his Christmas shopping for his family at Walgreens at 9:45 p.m. on December 24. His nine year old boy got a notepad and a bottle of "Just for Men."

Todd Haley refuses to call them "flight attendants." They're fucking stewardesses, bro. Even the men. Especially the men.

Todd Haley has a fake military ID just for the free bloomin' onions at Outback Steakhouse.

Todd Haley has written multiple fan letters to Vin Diesel.

Todd Haley went to a workplace sexual harassment seminar and the first thing he said afterward was "man that HR lady has great cans. A little thick in the middle but that don't bother the Todd Rod. High five."

Todd Haley calls breast cancer "the jug flu."