The flood was seven years ago, Mitch.

Try banning Ronnie Woo Woo from the property.

Tom Ley cherry picks from Ken Rosenthal's cherry picking, and now we have Arizona's "reasons" for trading Upton, ignoring the hours of interviews Towers did today that cited team needs and sabermetrics, not "grit" and "hustle." But good work, you've crafted something that fits your narrative based on someone else…

"It never really crossed my mind."

The Emeritus had the same media meltdown a few years back.

Todd?

That's right, motherfuckers! Boss Todd isn't in Arizona. He's in your mom instead. Yeah, her "interview" lasted about ten minutes before she was screaming "Holy Diver" into her Todd Rod microphone in the backseat of the '86 IROC. High five, bro!

Jonathan Taylor Thomas?

As an Arizona fan that video made me have a flashback to that stupid wired (take that however you will) Barney-Rubble-looking asshole jumping and yelling and flailing so much he got several sideline penalties a year. What a dipshit.

This is America. You forgot adultery and coveting thy neighbor's donkey.

As an attorney I rank amendments using "throwgasms."

People in Bullhead City can cross the Colorado River to Laughlin, Nevada, get every game, and have legalized sports betting. Of course, they have to live in Bullhead City (summer temps often get into the high 110's) so maybe they're screwed most of the year, without the NFL's help.

A coming out of retirement +1

So he'll be ready to give me a price quote on having Jared Lorenzen compete at Wing Bowl?

It's really sad how many players had to die for ESPN to realize Frank Caliendo is terrible.

What about the positive attributes of these racing drugs? Just imagine, your kid gets some meat with Lasix, and he won't bleed out his nostrils when he runs! Win/win!

Sleeping in the drivers seat of your car drunk with the keys in the ignition is a DUI here in Arizona. "experienced" drunks know to sleep in the passenger seat.

DHF? That's just our timeless Arizona version of West Side Story.

Not updating my accounts (or transferring or whatever the shit they called it) and commenting once in a blue moon is my own dumb passive resistance to the contempt with which Gawker Media treats those of us who supplied free content—I would call the good comments content—for many years. Yeah, I'm pretty much like…

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