I never thought I'd ever have to Shazam the theme music from a personal injury lawyer from Savannah's commercial. Then again, I never thought Shia Labeouf would be the one to 'make it' from the Even Stevens cast. So, what the hell do I know?

*you're

i think you missed the joke here...re-read raysism's post...

+1 for celebrating Tim's Orwell reference in a more clever manner than I was going to celebrate Tim's Orwell reference. I was just going to give it the old, '+1 for the Orwell reference.' +1's all around, fellas.

Double Dick Dude : [To Straight Guy] Hey there. Wanna suck my dick(s)?

Man, this is the kind of parent I want to be. There is NO greater joy than that special brand of joy derived from playing with the fragile emotions of six year-olds.

I mean, does a pellet gunshot hurt THAT much? I'm calling bullshit on Santa.

Barry Petchesky or Patrice Bergeron? Lookalike city, amirite?

That's the best knee hockey goal I've ever seen. And I used to play (fuck it, still DO play) a LOT of knee hockey.

I'm not sure what the voice in the background is referring to when it says, 'Rub some milk on it.' Does he mean the cramping leg, or the plate of chicken wings that's being passed about? I for one LOVE me some milky chicken wings.

People forget that Sheed isn't a basketball player, but rather a free safety as evidenced by the image below. His inability to flush it with any sense of steez is therefore excusable.

Best red head with dreads head.

It IS the best song from the record to play for someone who's not heard the record though. Also, the best song to play at a party. Which Deadspin Up All Night certainly is. So, +1 for Dom.

Part of the reason I read Deadspin is because you guys listen to stuff like Neutral Milk Hotel, while I'm sure most dudes over at ESPN and SI listen to, ya know, Switchfoot.

This happened at my high school when I was a senior. (I was not playing football, though - too busy captaining the golf team. I used a belly putter that year, and I still feel heaps of shame for having done so.) Also perpetrated by an assistant coach looking to play clandestine cheerleader, or, rather, by a forty year…

Three rich dudes, or two rich dudes and Martina Navratilova?

What the story doesn't tell us is that the teacher's favorite football team is a two-hand-touch team coached by Bobby Knight.

Wait, Jermaine O'Neal is still a thing?

Dude looks like a bullshit version of Peter Sarsgaard.