As a jack of all trades, good article Patrick. The versatility of being a jack has done a lot for my engineering career. I tell myself I'm going to have the time to master something, but I never seem to find the time to do so. And the burnout is very real...

Keep your butter wrappers.

We can fight about the flavor or shrinkage differences between baking and frying bacon all day long, but you know what's the most awesome thing about baking? You stick it in the oven and walk away. While that's going on, you can make the rest of your food without worrying about over frying that hunk of meat. Ever…

Shouldn't you already know?

Eh. Depends on the situation. Sometimes the very thing that breaks the tension is someone being willing to acknowledge, "That was awkward," and then everyone can move on.

You only have yourself to blame when your daughter marries a short fat dude who follows her around all the time.

No, teenagers have been able to dial 911 anonymously from a payphone for decades, but swatting is a new thing.

All swatters should be charged with attempted murder.

It's me. I'm taking this one for the team. The title of Biggest Whore belongs to me and my line in perpetuity. Thus ends all debate forever of who is a bigger whore.

Respectfully

Right Honorable Agent Tremble, Biggest Whore

Next year's cover is going to be a woman in stirrups with a speculum in. Just right up in it. If we're having this vagina conversation anyway, we might as well see an actual vagina, damnit.

Maybe I'm too liberal but I don't see the big deal. I wish parents were more honest and say that they're uncomfortable looking at half naked people and leave kids out of it. Kids for the most part don't give a shit about a lot of stuff parents worry about. How will this cover harm them?

No, it's about avoiding poop transplants from the wrong people.

He does Alpha shit, like catch STDs in the fucking eye (how in the fuck does that happen?) and go to prison for beating up a woman. I bet he talks about his "personal relationship with Jesus" a lot too. His spirit is swole too, now, bro.

BUT MUH FREEDOM

Dear Josie: You are my hero.

Wish this article were here just about an hour earlier. Because people like this guy need it.

Check twice, cut once.

I would think that owning a gun would make getting SWATted ten times more dangerous. Most of the people making threats and causing disruption don't seem like to like to take the effort to carry the threats out themselves. They prefer to use others (be it Domino's or the local SWAT team) to carry out their "mischief."