i think i just hoped my pants

I know it’s mathematically impossible for odds to exceed 100%, but I just ran the numbers and found there’s a 1,000% chance that this ball disappears, the Cubs lose four straight, and we refer to the incident as something like “the ball jinx” for the next 100 years.

I agree. Can you imagine the sanctimonious self-back-patting if the Cubs win? They’ll be martyrs demanding canonization. “Do you know how long we’ve been waiting? How hard it’s been?” I already hate it.

Be careful what you wish for Deadspin, I see a Boston sort of fandom coming on if the Cubs pull this off. Somebody please, please beat them...

Fuck.

The victim should have had a concealed carry permit, right? He could have protected himself, like UT Austin students.

Yeah this would never happen somewhere peaceful, like the Bay Area.

Ladies and gentlemen, the 28th state to enter the Union, but the first in your hearts and your nightmares, Texas.

Though unlike Lattimore, Gurley, and Chubb he won’t face Tennessee, so he’s safe.

And what infractions are you implying Michigan has committed? Probably not recruiting, since it’s not like this freshman class has been otherworldly.

Explain to me how The Hawks should be better than 2-2? Your defense gave up a late TD to The Rams, your coach tried a ridiculous onside/pooch kick that gave The Rams field position and the offensive coordinator called plays in overtime with his head up his ass. The Hawks got dominated at Green Bay so please tell me…

Mmmmmmm. Your tears are sweet nectar.

No dude, local piece of trash Jeremy Stevens dropping two passes in the end zone while being wide open cost you that game, no matter what you and the rest of your trash, bush league fan base believe.

I place the blame for this squarely on the shoulders of Eli Manning for telling Calvin Johnson not to score since there was so much time left on the clock.

I just found out about you people calling each other “12’s”.

*tosses beads*

Andy Reid is really taking the Chiefs loss hard.

Media and coaches use the word ‘chemistry,’ not players.

“They used the word ‘chemistry,’”