This is like a nice teaser to my favorite day of the year: the day Jezebel runs it’s spooky story contest.

I have reached the sad conclusion that as long as Shonda keeps popping out Grey’s episodes I will keep watching.

I’ll never understand why some white people feign surprise whenever other white folk spew some racist bullshit.

Counterpoint: this is awesome

I had no opinion of him before reading this. Now I actively hate him.

Present!

The parents of trans girls don’t want their daughters to use the bathroom with young men who are going through their natural hormonal changes, either, especially since that poses far more of a risk to them than to a cis girl sharing a bathroom with a trans girl.

Trans girls aren't young men. And, if they're going through any hormonal changes, it's probably the same ones your daughter would be going through, because we have modern medicine now that does such things. So, how about you either take a chill pill, or have the decency to own your transphobia. Don't hide behind your…

Whelp, looks like I'm just gonna have to continue never going to South Dakota again.

The worst thing about meeting different kinds of people is that you start to think of them as, in fact, people.

Oh Catholic Church. Never stop being you.

Because secular/non-religious people definitely face no prejudice in this country whatsoever and religious factions have never tried to legislate their personal religious beliefs onto the rest of us. Doing something visibly secular and having a sense of humor is definitely just about being “smug.”

You’ve never had... angel hair pasta?

People keep telling me things I don’t want to know. Just for that, I’m having dinosaur for dinner tonight, my friend.

I don’t have kids, but I’d say your wife is on the right track. Learning to exercise and be fit for good health will benefit her most in the long-run (like, we’re talking life-long, not just so she’ll be popular in school). If you think that what your wife says about being healthy isn’t sinking in or she isn’t being…

I tell my dog that she’s the prettiest lady in all the land every single day. But only because it’s true!

#blackcoffeematters

He needs to drop that frothy rhetoric.

I really think we need to pitch this to Bravo. We can call it the Swatch and Tim Hour.