"Torn apart like confetti! To make even tinier confetti!"

When I hear "viral" I think about a monkey feeding dimes into a payphone for hours upon days upon years while his monkey friends anxiously wait by. For the millionth time phone monkey hangs up and the others prepare again to be disappointed, but then they realize phone monkey didn't give his usual, immediate,…

I love how fancy "soliciting a prostitute" sounds. "Pardon, my lady! May I respectfully inquire about a cash for services transaction?"

Needed that. Thank you!

I'd love to see an angle showing the puck going into the net

Is name and shame all they're going to get b/c they had control of the poor kid's finances? Do they have any criminal liability?

Idk if it was the lighting but the ice looked cream-colored last night. It was stark against the Wild's road whites.

Reminder that Charlie Coyle is a sweetheart

Kettle chips over Ruffles is some fucking sub-Slate garbage. Fuck anybody that voted for kettle chips.

Title IX at work with those facilities...

Average MLB game is shorter than the average NFL game.

Maxed out career passer rating. Somebody should give him a look

"I'm trying! This is the most soothing song I have!"

That's fine lawyering!

Reminds me of when a Marshawn Lynch juke vaporized the bones out of Ray Lewis

It's pretty pathetic when cops think they know the law

"Suspect is hatless! Repeat, hatless!"

In my county the prosecuting attorney has a standing policy to charge assault against an officer 100% of the time it's suggested in the police report regardless of the facts.

This Danny Shelton barrell-roll sack needs more love

"Idk why everyone is so surprised. I'm a beat writer"