I want to like this so hard, but fear asking you to explain for reasons that might kill the joke. Alas, I like the effort. Ehh, fuck it. I’ll give you a star.

You seem like the kind of fellow who opts for the middle stall in an empty bathroom.

Sick logic burn

Adam “Pacman” Jones learns from his mistakes better than you do.

I know that using someone else’s sentence format is an easy way to respond to other’s comments in the comment section, but you really should just go ahead and admit that you’re wrong.

Tom, you forgot to mention that he went to Stanford. Did you know he went to Stanford? Well, yeah, he went to Stanford.

Someone say, “Major Asshole?”

Can we all just call this clown “Tony Rumble Dick” and get it over with?

Is this the place for the stolen laptop jokes?

Wouldn’t be the weirdest thing

Hey look! It’s some guy who wants to write for Deadspin, trying to impress people with “witty” comments.

Probably pretty hard to slap that “website” link on this post or whatever.

Your first Tom Ley article?

While I’ve got nothing against Liev, this comment is gold. Good on you, sir.

Rude opinion: There are too many Tom Ley articles.

Nice chin strap, brah

Great pull.

It’s like he’s Tobias Funke’s relative

Too late bro, you lost