"Shut up! You're jinxing us!" - Every single Liverpool fan

That smirk comes from the satisfaction of knowing you're committing the perfect crime.

Four people ran around in the street for 3 hours without paying $500 dollars. I'm outraged.

"I thought it might be a little broad." Um, Jon? The term is "woman". Sexist.

"Why they should instead watch new teams full of players who aren't good enough to play in a third-tier league"

This reminds me of when Montreal Impact similarly taunted DC United about the War of 1812 and nobody noticed except the three belligerent Canadians that troll every Deadspin Olympic hockey post.

As a reward to the new franchise, MLS announced they wouldn't move the team to Canada until 2016

"As Editor-in-Chief of Deadpsin, I assume ..."

this isn't new - the KKK has a long history of hating Cardinals.

Does Deadspin even like sports anymore? Or are you guys just trying to shit on everything so we can all be a bunch of miserable fucks? What happened to Greg Howard's brilliant soccer analysis? Its all just just becoming so negative. People like MLS. Get over it. Its going to be okay.

"Don't take this as a knock on MLS,"

Whatever "avid interest" is, it clearly doesn't necessarily involve actually following a sport

@LAGalaxy You guys need a boat?

Yes, lacking motor. Totally.

This prank is just God's way of telling Muema he should have read past the fourth book.

Enough of the niceties, Kerry. I believe the correct answer was: "my dick."

If you had a Fleshlight and could only choose one attachment, which one would it be?

As a child my mother always said, "You better eat your vegetables or ODB is gonna get you."

"recently stripped of accreditation editor of American sports publication Barry Petcheski" is absolutely how I am referring to you from now on.

Whoa, slow down, cowboy. If Skip hears you saying that, there's no telling what he'll do to prove you wrong.