One time I was at “Magenta Crustacean” and was carded for ordering a San Pelligrino.

One time I ordered some pasta without a particular sauce, and the restaurant’s chef came out and yelled at me for what an awful barbarian I was.

Note: I was nine years old at the time.

FACT: Bears eat beets.
Bears.
Beets.
Battlestat Galactica.

you mean hand-scooped?!

Yes, they were threatening to bomb the city. Because surely this i ssomething they could do and get away with. With full authorization. Over a restaurant tab.

Or not hiring any black models for 20 years.

“Miuccia Prada seems like a pretty genuine, awesome lady”

WANT.

My friend insisted that it was fine to have the edges of the dance floor lined with actual candles. On the floor. Where people were dancing. Her dress did catch on fire but it was easily extinguished, since we were right next to the tables full of liquids and it was put out immediately. She's the kind that cannot be…

You IDGAF attitude about this whole scenario makes this story a winner for me!

Not even terrible but (entire story NSFW)......Two days before my wedding, I got my period. My period is usually fairly well behaved- first day heavy, tapers off fairly quickly, lasts about 4 days total, move on with life. Not this time. We arrived in Vegas (Vegas wedding for the win) and had sex which made our hotel…

lol wrestling

I ditched my friends tonight so i could make (and eat) these garlic and parmesan tossed pretzel bites and drink wine... I don't regret it at all

I had a female friend - who I'd previously gone to LA to visit because she was depressed and having a really terrible time at her job with a real shit boss(who made her tell people he was British - weird)… cut to less than a year later, I am attempting to move to LA, I just need a place to stay for the night so I can…

this is one I actually used. I was five years old, playing with my cousins at my Babcia's house. She was making dinner and was a terrible cook. When she called us in for dinner, I told her I couldn't eat because I was sick. She asked what was wrong, and I told her it was prostate cancer.

UGH. Yuck. That instantly makes even the hottest guy unfuckable.

Pretty much any combinations of words coming out of the talking hole of a guy trying to get me to fuck him without a condom.

My absolute FAVORITE excuse in high school was that I was having "feminine issues." Worked like a charm on our 50 years old-ish male former jock type Dean of Students! I loved watching his face everytime I dead-panned that bogus excuse for cutting class.