There are days where I just want to pack it all up and move to Ireland with alconlad (his homeland) ... and then I read shit like this and then I'm like "nah, I'm good."

But on the other side I think the Bible goes into pretty specific detail as to whether or not abortion is ok if the mother is being kept alive via technology that will be invented 2,000 years in the future. It's just after the chapter about Internet porn but before the "Hey jagoffs, stop calling people 'bae" sermon

I've been holding out on the title of "Cool Pope" for exactly this reason

Truffles taste like nutsack

truffles are disgusting.

Nice trick, Aunt Karen. I think she's a secret genius. Mmmm alba truffles.

How did she get to it in the glass case? I would think something this valuable could only be accessed from behind the counter by the employees

Well, they sort of look like powdered chocolate truffles.

They always keep the free samples in glass cases, don't they?

A theatre professor of mine once worked on a show that cooked real food onstage. It was so integral to the script that they actually had a real kitchen built onto the stage. Part of this was a coffee pot. One night, during intermission a man walked *on to the stage* poured himself a cup, and one for his wife, and…

So, help me understand her line of thinking here:

wat

He continued, "Ask anyone under the age of twenty if they have heard of me and they will go 'no, that guy looks like my dad'

At first I was all excited about a Tobias Fünke lookalike...

I know I say this at the risk of all you kids deciding I'm "square" rather than "dope" and "slammin'", but, uh, the baker story? If someone offered me and my staff a tray of edibles without warning everyone what they were, hiring them would be RIGHT off the table and I'd more than likely call the cops, especially if…

The best part was that when my mom came to get me after I got fired (I was 16 — I couldn't drive myself yet!) she wanted to stop by the mall on the way home. There was a fancy new store that sold tapes and CDs (! — hey, this was 1986!) opening up, and they were setting up the store. In a fit of bravado I asked if they…

For half a second I read that as "Anus burger" and guffawed.

I just wish they'd serve a frickin' egg mcmuffin after 10:30am. I hate when I'm traveling for work and they're serving burgers before noon. Or ever. I really only like their egg mcmuffins. And the coffee isn't bad once it cools down and hour later.

To be charitable, 1994 was 20 years ago (Yeah, I KNOW. :/) Perhaps he's grown up some?

I'm still waiting for your advice column to replace that stupid Bride on Acid thing. When is that going to happen? And in the meantime, can we just randomly ask you for advice in the comments?