Oh, a lesson in gem biology from mister “I’m my own mother.” Let’s get the hell out of here already! Screw homeworld!

Dude, that’s still in perfect David Tracy shape. He’s probably out right now collecting cans to help raise the funds to buy that in 10-20 years.

I never get tired of the running joke of the Gem’s reactions to Steven’s enjoyably dumb puns.

Something is egregiously wrong with your baby, or your parenting if you manage to get the diaper completely that shade.

I just want to note that on top of all the other bullshit involved in these policies many of the families who are crossing the border for asylum are from indigenous communities in central america and may not speak or read Spanish.

Yeah, but those guys will get sick of Papa Johns pretty quick.

Thank you.

Women in videogames have no choice, because they’re fictional characters that have as much agency as their writers/creators/the script gives them.

Someone wanted their own hardtop Miata?

My wife once took a foul ball to the face in an unfortunate co-showering incident.

Sweet Business + Actium War Rig = The Heavy from TF2.

I’m sure there’s enough rust that by pouring a gallon ATF all over your cargo area, some will eventually make it to the trans.

Everything is JUST FINE over here. Just fine.

I’ve got it totally under control.

Except yesterday I noticed that my daily driver, the Wagoneer, mysteriously developed a misfire. But again, it’s FINE!

If you have to walk to two gas stations because all your “other”cars are broken to pick up fuel for your one semi functional vehicle with a broken gas gauge and bad battery - There’s your sign.

Only the most developed palates can handle rubbing alcohol infused with a pine cone, you Philistine.

I always thought that by the time you got to third you forgot what game you were playing and the third base coach keeps you from wandering off to find nachos.

Me after watching that BMW commercial where the foursome puts all of their bags in the back of the X1.

But without a rigor mortise we can’t insert the rigor tenon and create a nice wooden rigor joint. How are we going to build this rigor frame without it?

Shit, that would have been great. Dammit.

Mark Sanchez sympathizes, as he knows what it's like struggling to read.