It sometimes feels as though this column is uniquely devoted to making fun of Baseball for having unwritten rules combined with a frank and honest discussion about the unwritten rules of air travel and using the shitter.

Seagulls are flying bags of shit.

Ok, have fun with your boring, lonely life in the woods. I’ll stick with the advances of modern technology and the rest of society, and I’ll continue to be fine with Alexa hearing me chat about PUBG with my friends online.

One time at work I realized I had trimmed seven fingernails the night before.

I realize this will require the reader to do more research but simply pulling up the Twitter account and scrolling through the tweets reveals that he gives credit to the NYT and never suggests it was he alone who was scooped. Calling him “a bit of a fraud” is a bit dickish when he gives credit to the people whose work…

Um, if it had nothing to do with the city, then why is the T-Rex short for Torontosauras Rex, idiot.

The problem comes when journalistic outlets publicize [tweets]—in other words, run advertisements—outside the traditional advertising process. [...] And like Wilkerson’s payout of a year’s worth of nuggets for all he’s done for Wendy’s, the media is cutting itself a raw deal.

deadspin likes to make shit up to fit their narrative. You won’t get a response

no, this is stupid.

This piece shows a staggering amount of self-delusion regarding the political economy of the media.

So what you’re saying is that neither steroids nor HGH could make Jeter a decent fielder?

Lord Denton: The click-through rates at Deadspin are best in my empire, but the time per page view is making advertisers wary....how can we raise that metric?

3 muffs in the stands? Jeter-esque.

Why would anyone tell Rashad not to score? That doesn’t even make sense. If he scores, it’s a two-possession game with about a minute left, and it’s over.

If there’s anyone who should be familiar with rewarding someone for performance you’d think it would be Jeter.

At last, video evidence that 2:24 is faster than 2:26.

“Even though my commute is less than 10 minutes”

I don't know where you got your mimosa recipe from, but it's as follows:

Then the bill comes. And once your food coma starts to fully set in and your friends are sitting there in silence because you all have nothing else to talk about

This gif is awesome.