Like being white and having all that white privilege? Then own it. Like having wealth in the family and a U.S. family history that goes generations back? Then own it and all that comes with it - including the slaves upon whose backs the wealth was built.

Dang it, women! You’re doing it all wrong! I’m going to write this slowly so you can understand me: your babies need to be spaced out more precisely. Now shut your legs and wait your turn.

Wasn’t this the original purpose of beer anyway since -in ye olden days- almost all the water supply was in some way, sewage water? The alcohol content killed off germs, making the rank liquid fit for consumption. Everybody drank it, including small children.

That was meant with sarcasm.

Not that I in any way support Loeb - because I don’t - but men also experience a decline in the quality of sperm they produce. Many babies born with chromosomal abnormalities result from older dads and not from the older moms, as we’ve often been led to believe.

And run the risk of the burglar successfully suing you for having a mean kitty that took off 1/2 his face... while trying to rob you. You’d be better off just shooting him.

I’m afraid. I’m very afraid....that this will become a *thing* and then travel upward to become sculptured chest hair. I will not be able to sleep tonight. Somebody hold me.

Perhaps he misread the directions and administered it intravenously? Or free-based it or... I don’t know... something that would actually induce a stronger reaction other than just stopping him from coughing so much.

My aunt always told me that women shouldn’t be allowed to wear pants because women didn’t wear pants in the bible. So that’s why no tuxedos for women. Bible, people. It’s in the Bible!!! Look at all those historically accurate illustrations... no tuxedos on any of those biblical women in biblical prom photos anywhere.

I want to walk onto the playground and pick up my kids from school wearing those glitter eyebrows. This place is so hipster though, I doubt anyone would notice except my sons. One would be mortified and the other two would inevitably scream "Yay for makeup! Mom you look so pretty!!!".

The Reflex is a lonely child who's waiting by the park. Pure genius. I saw the video and wept. Every single time. So much beauty on a TV screen. Now I'm overwrought just remembering it.

Awwww. If it helps, I'LL start following that nice Zayne boy. He looks very nice and has that square chin with the well-groomed pubes facial-hair look going on. There. Hope that helps him feel better. And now I'll get all my other 45+ year old mom friends to follow him as well. Career officially saved!

I am as confused as hell about my own looks. Scale of 1 to 10? I don't know, maybe a 6 on some days & a 9 on others. My parents worked hard to keep my self - esteem as low as possible when it comes to my appearance. l'm always surprised to find my middle-aged-mom - - of - 3 - kids self getting oggled and hit on…

I'm a black mom to 3 mixed-raced, Dutch speaking, little boys and this dude... this guy right here thrills me to no end. Pure joy. Bliss. Hope for humans everywhere. May my boys be blessed to grow up with such confidence and humor in the face of so much recurring ugliness. Yet another example that it can happen. And…

I hear ya. Farts for days.

Genius. I'm going to say aloud next time I see his *thinking face* during an argument.

Or teeny miniature Swiss army knives that they'd confiscate off my key chain. I learned that from watching Pam Grier in Foxy Brown. That was a documentary, you know.

Once upon a time, when the earth was still quite young, I dated 2 separate dudes on 2 separate ocassions who preferred not to be on the receiving end of oral sex. All else was good. But these guys with these penises really do exist. No unicorns. I think a lot of people are receiving oral they don't want because they…

We had a similar story in Amsterdam not too long ago. Chef was forced to live in a cage beneath the restaurant. For me, the worst part was that I'm pretty sure that it was my favorite restaurant I patronized for years - meaning that I was eating the food of an enslaved chef who lived in an f-ing cage! The restaurant…

Am I "carrying prohibited items"? Apparently my blackness with accompanying hair and features are on the list. I need to start booby-trapping my afro for any wandering TSA fingers.