Regarding #2, I'm sure the bride & groom were more than happy to not pay for this guy. As for #6, do those 3 acceptables include him?

My partner is an aging ex-model and previously married/dated that type. He spends a lot of time on Facebook looking to see how all the other models are aging and if they've gotten fat. It's a competitive sport with them. No wonder they all retire and open yoga studios in Ibiza.

Another karateka here and grateful for this post. I'd always been warned by my all-male karate instructors that a kick to the groin was invitation to escalate the attack to sexual violence. So in theory, if it started as a non-sexually motivated attack to say, just beat me to a pulp, a groin strike would make them…

A dish only a pregnant woman could love. Except that it's missing a squeeze of lemon.

I am devastated that I didn't see this in time for Halloween. But no little wasabi packets?

But maybe the 3rd time is the charm! If the 1st 2 location weddings didn't work out, keep hope alive that the next marriage will last if you just throw enough money at it.

I'm thinking about this as a new Twitter handle @Toopoortobeinyouweddingsopleasedontask

Tender is f-ing brilliant. You know they also found you bangable so you can cross that concern of the list & get started with the task of finding out if 1) that truly is them in the picture, 2) is it a tourist or a local, 3) they think coherent thoughts. From there then jump straight into a coffee. Works…

But you'll miss it when it's gone. Trust me. That's the one thing we expats in Amsterdam ask that someone brings back from a trip to the U.S. this time of year. Why? Because it's the best bait ever, better than brownies, chocolate chip cookies, cupcakes with little flags or any other kind of candy. It's used as a lure…

My cousin's husband, an American, worked for the WHO and contracted Ebola while in Africa. Maybe in the 1990's, I don't exactly remember when except for the fact that he lived to sit in my living room in Amsterdam years later and tell me about it. His treatment was absolutely crazy. The U.S. (his home country) refused…

Isn't this a scene straight out of Toni Morrison's debut novel, "The Bluest Eye"? That mess rocked my adolescent world and now is coming back to haunt me just in time for Halloween. Nooooooo!

Eh, it's all right. It just ain't glorious and I mean that as a euphemism. It's stains, shooting pains, foul smells and continuous shit but that part doesn't last forever. And dignity itself gets redefined.

I will go out as the luscious lactator this year, if only because I've found that just the very idea of milky tits gets those male freak-flags flying like nothing else. Hot mom with squirting boobs... the assumption being that I was begging to be milked like a dairy cow while wilding on the couch or any other surface…

Fake-ass knock-off cronuts are well represented here in Amsterdam as well!

Just got divorced from a guy I met online 17 years ago. What a total creep...although it took a good 15 years & 3 kids to 1) notice and 2) act on it. Freaking online dating. Now I'm again already over-committed to another dude I met online 2 months ago. Is there some sort of personality disorder that causes this?

I'm waiting for the article about getting born with some melanin in your skin being the latest trend for little babies. It's all the rage and all the edgiest parents are trying to order it ahead of time. You know, for Christmas. Comes in a small jar that looks like shoe polish but clearly isn't. It's just smearable…

Popcorn in some form or another. Kettle popped. Covered in something kind of cheesy.

Oooooh diet food.

The only thing that would keep me from booking a reasonably priced listing would be actual blood leaking out from under the bed in the photos. Or a head in the sink. Or an unflushed toilet.

Yeah maybe so but that lasagna is not going to divide into bite-size pieces and fry itself. Some things you need a professional for.