“They don’t serve the exact artisanal gluten-free IPA I want, so I’ll just drink some bleach instead.”

That’s J.J. Watt.

A Southern accent.

Well, 3,000 brown people died, so to Trump, that’s definitely a success.

Stay away from the Horsey Sauce, amiright?

“She made the greatest turkey I’ve ever had.”

The only people who derive that much happiness out of a single win have a brain disease.

Red Wave is definitely some sort of signal from the Manchurian Candidate to let the Russians know it’s time to invade.

At least one high-paid CEO out there is trying to relate to his customers.

I used to think all Republicans were intolerant until I realized that they exhausted all of their tolerance on really stupid people.

I don’t have a strong opinion either way, but I’m impressed by your analysis. Also, isn’t he considered like, racist-adjacent? I know Chappelle had a bit about it.

Second-place trophies

I mean, it’s not like they have jobs.

As both a Thompson fan and a Chargers fan, I really wish Irsay would have listened.

I was thinking the same thing. And the woman next to him is definitely smirking.

Such a thin line between completely tone-deaf and completely honest, amiright?

Again with this shit? Might as well be another HamNo rant about how bad it sucks to work at Amazon.

(Non-consensually) fuckin’ soldier!

I can’t answer your question (nor do I even want to think about it), but those are some high-quality epithets, my friend.

Dude, he hit him on the arm. Have you considered decaf? If Stanton doesn’t want to risk getting hit again, but Fiers or by anyone else, he shouldn’t be in the majors either.