Apropos of nothing, but I did like the old security guard at :24 getting a chuckle out of the proceedings.

Bud Lite encourages you to select the proper digit to plug the bottle opening in order to keep the beer from becoming watered down.. er.. more so.

All Deadspin commenters are graded on the Safire-Simpson scale, which measures how many times somebody else's grammar is nitpicked without resorting to "Me fail English? That's un-possible!"

Missing: thought bubble featuring a cartoon David Stern being flattened by a steam roller.

"Are you Scottish or Irish?" "Let me give you a hint, rummy: Error go bragh!"

The Godfather II, re-written to reflect the apparent Magic dynamic.

Old: Rick Reilly

Hello? 915? I need to report... wait a minute, that's not right. 9.. 1.. crap. Think, Antonio, think.

For the sixth time, the honorable Elijah Mohammed, peace be upon him, is not in today's starting lineup.

You think that's bad; his girlfriend didn't get a Valentine Day's gift because The Woman in Black underperformed at the box office, and he stiffed the staff at the local Ruth's Chris Steakhouse in terms of a gratuity because he lost a Words With Friends match against Kevin Gilbride.

I'd be more concerned about his making up names of players that sound like something out of a shitty vintage Red Skelton sketch.

Asked if there were sterner sanctions facing the Ohio St. football program, one NCAA official said "we don't have the heart to attack Urban Meyer right now," then winked and nudged a whole hell of a lot.

I might also refer you to the Spin-Arts in the "Better Know an Umpire" series that are the individual umpire's strike zones.

If he's suspended for conduct unbecoming a formerly unaccountable autocrat, expect the Oakland PA guy to have Ritchie Valens' "Laz Go" queued up.

Now if we can only develop a fine system for the "the batter/pitcher started to first base/walked off the mound because I took an obscenely long amount of time to call an obvious ball/strike, so I did the opposite as some sort of lesson about the elasticity of the strike zone," we may be able to do away with the…

Give him a break, the hunt and hunt and hunt and hunt and eventually peck method is likely to be the Next Big Thing in typewriting.

Our competitors say their helmets are tough and durable, but have they been through the rigorous Chalky Dirt and Human Ribs Endurance Test each Rawlings helmet has to pass before it's sold to the public?

And yet he can still take Steve Nash off the dribble.

What am I, chopped.. er... beef?

I was just about to put everyone on Sacramento Kings alert; apparently the Thunder are not to have any sort of 2nd quarter run (he types as Harden picks up an absolutely inconsequential third foul and has to sit out the rest of the half).