I have the leaked internal memorandum on the new business model; apparently monetized comments are far more lucrative (THREE whole moneybags?) than I thought.

2:48 — 3:00

"A Chinese chicken"— What sort of dance does Jeremy Lin do down at the Biergarten?

Commercials that you make you sprint to the remote in the other room and hit mute. "Don't worry, kid, there won't be a habitable planet on which you can drive your Chevy Silverado when you grow up; your asshole Dad who appears to be transporting nothing but his dead-inside yuppie carcass from work in his gas-guzzling…

#nowI'mnevergoingtoseethatmovie,notevenonce

I'm listening to Dave Edmunds' Subtle as a Flying Mallet in anticipation.

Stars are definitely the Cable Ace Awards of artificial online hierarchies, or the Tiberius-Caligula-Claudius-Nero progression of self-perpetuating dynasties.

I said something untoward concerning the author of a Hallmark Moment psychological profile concerning LeBron James, for which I was suspended for a week. I temporarily felt kind of stupid, because he could have very well been deconstructing shitty sportswriting and its attempts to project its authors' idiot ideas into…

You need to monetize your break room announcement board!

I was anticipating the death of red-shirted nerd meme, while simultaneously resuscitating an ancient meme to make us all reflect on the cyclical nature of memes. That and I couldn't find the picture because I gave up after "Aspergers + Deadspin + microphone" Google search.

It's impossible to build an underground bunker in Austin, the layered limestone that makes up the ground here has water running through it as all depths, including just under the surface - especially after a heavy rain. Add to that the fact that the water in inconsistent, running high after a rain and going away…

I should have known from the desperation in his voice that he (and by extension the Coca-Cola Corporation) was lying to me.

That sounds like a fun office; mine just draws straws for who gets to walk out in the blazing sun and change the Jiffy Lube sign from "MANAGER'S SPECIAL: ALL DAY $10 OFF" to "MORNING SPECIAL: 7 - 10 AM $12 OFF"

"Excellent source of material."

Completely missed reference DUAN: I now understand, 25 years after having seen The Young Ones reruns on MTV, why Rik was obsessed with Cliff Richard.

It could have been the whole anti-hero trend, which would be weird, since it was kind of started by Sergio Leone, who ripped off Akira Kurosawa's Yojimbo, who made samurai movies in the mode of a John Ford film, who inexplicably cast that wooden dolt Wayne in a ton of his movies (Searchers and Red River aside).

I'm not one who traffics in amphibian scorpion-ferrying; I think he's just as poisonous and blinkered in his reasoning even though the outcome is (nominally) correct. To use another analogy, I wouldn't pick a confirmed moron for my trivia team just because he just happened to remember a Burger King jingle from the 70s…

He died 15 years before the film came out, unless there was a book that the film was based on. My favorite Western might be Hillcoat's Australian epic The Proposition.

At this point, his malpractice insurance premiums should resemble something Weimar Republic hyperinflation; i.e. he has to bring a wheelbarrow full of Benjamins to the lobby where the insurer is located.

"And here's what it'll look like three months from now!"