“Help me!”

The nachos in my microwave took longer to finish than Rousey’s career tonight.

Volunteer to be on-call for work (if you’re not already doing that). Earn some money while you’re at it,

smoking weed

Ordering/preparing a bunch of food and watching the Twilight Zone marathon with friends is an enjoyable alternative. (If you have Netflix, you can burn through the episodes on your own without commercials.)

Cool story, bro.

I always come back to this logical progression:

Ortiz will be a player people look back at in 50 years and wonder...wtf is this guy doing here?
Everyone remembers Bobby Thomson and Kirk Gibson. Everyone that remembers Papi will remember Dave Roberts. None of those guys is in the Hall, yet we manage to remember them.
Christ. Insufferable prick, Curt Schilling has…

He was 39.

There was confusion when the Miami fan kept screaming “U is first.”

Nice! Glad to see I’m not the only one still making pearl necklace jokes!

“Obviously, you missed the whole point of that story.”

How does it feel to be the wrongest person today?

This is an awful opinion.

Samir. Samir Nahh-gon-work-here-anymore.

Mark Sanchez has studied this photo for several hours. And that was before he knew there was a question about missing legs.

The only snaps Romo’s worried about are his neck and spine.

To his credit, Allen also called Santa Ana after their meeting to apologize again.

I look forward to seeing him return in the second half of Duke’s next game.