“What do you mean?/ Is it that ‘Yes Means Yes’/ Or does ‘No Mean No”/ What do you mean?/ When am I being rape-y/ And when should I go?”

YOU IDIOTS! These are not them. YOU’VE CAPTURED THEIR STUNT DOUBLES!

Welp, I’m personally looking forward to another 4 years of a democratic presidency.

Great. Really wanted to find out the contents of the new book through your headline. Way to be a bunch of assholes.

I am a big tipper, having been in the service industry, and I totally agree with you. Of course I wouldn’t get snippy with someone who’s trying to do their job, but it drives me crazy when someone tries to take my plate away before the table has completely finished. And I have said, “No no no... I’m uh... still…

For it to be mass murder, it has to be four or more people. So, as terrible as this is, it still isn’t mass murder.

I really appreciate this perspective on Hillary’s comments; that it “(sadly) stands out among a sea of candidates”. I wish she had said something stronger, but I am glad she said what she did. If only SOME candidate would stand up and admit that permission for guns to permeate US society has completely jumped the…

British chess grandmaster Nigel Short told a chess magazine recently that men are just better at chess than women, because of their brains, because of evolution, because women have higher “emotional intelligence” while menzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. What? Sorry, no, I wasn’t sleeping, this is all so…

Oh my god I cannot even. The worst worst thing ever. I can’t believe how terrible that is.

That is so sadly accurate. I want to believe desperately that I would have supported someone like Alesana, and I know I wouldn’t because I didn’t.
I remember a wonderful guy - a brilliant, brilliant man - who I saw get aggressively verbally bullied by some idiot jock-ish kid at school. All I did was ask, “Does that…

I just want to say, I’m pregnant right now, and I love you. Go right ahead and abort a baby you don’t want, and don’t give any f*cks to people who say different.

Is that so? Well, pin a rose on YOUR nose.

Well, pin a rose on YOUR nose.

I am going to have a baby soon, and all I can think about is how un-cute most babies are. They are prune people.
Toddlers? Five-year-olds? Yeah sure, but in moderation please.
Kittehs? I lurves them.

I hope this continues all day.

HWWWHAAAH!

You know what? Okay. Give this guy a shot. Would he have been my pick? Nah. But if anyone had told me at the time that Jon Stewart was the best guy to replace Craig Kilborn, I would have thought they were crazy.

Good luck, Noah. You're gonna need it.

This, plus the recipe, is my favorite comment ever. You are a god.

Look. This is the proper formula for an apology:
1) I'm sorry.
2) What I did was wrong.
3) I take full responsibility for my actions.
4) I will learn from this wrongdoing.

Why is it that the people who get called out for making awful statements always start their response with, "man, this has been so hard for me", continue…