that would be creepy. Really creepy. This guy, I never went out with again. I ran into him at the gym 3 weeks later and he was jogging to praise music.

Ramen Noodle Truck Stop man was (as I mentioned) another blind date set up by my mom. My mom who neglected to mention he was a truck driver (a noble profession, and I'm not saying I wouldn't date a truck driver), and he neglected to mention it when he called and invited me over to his place. The time he gave in the…

Paul and I are still besties. I was his best person at his wedding several years ago!

And if he had just looked like fat Elvis, I probably would've still had dinner with him. No, I know I would've because even when younger I wasn't an asshole. But it was the overall disrespect. He was late, and couldn't be bothered to clean up even a little?

A bit of background: my mom worked in an office setting where clients would come to sit at her desk while they worked out details for jobs. She kept a photo of me on her disk, and occasionally women of a certain age would notice, and inevitably I would get a call from her saying she gave my number to some guy's…

I'm great with names because I'm BAD with actual names.

And flame face. Flame face took me to a nice restaurant to show off his nice expense account. He was a blind date set up by my mother, who is also responsible for Fat Elvis and Ramen Noodle Truck Stop Man. Anyway, he had a lot of product in his hair. A lot. And he somehow managed to catch his paper menu on fire via a…

Went out with this guy for a couple of dates, and when he invited me to his apartment for beers after dinner, well, I was game.

I don't know who to talk about first - The Weeper, My Buddy, or Flame Face.

Of course the guy mansplaining what maternity leave is hails from Texas.

I miss grilled cheese.

I don't want a cum feast.

I think this is Mad Libs. For real. This is Mad Libs.

We can be honorary sisters. Because those are even better!

I have joked about starting a site called "nope." It would consist of all recipes, beauty treatments and cat outfits I would never make or do. Oh, and pictures of cold boozy drinks. But those would be yeps.

If you just relax your eyes, you can see a sailboat.

I try not to judge - I have a threenager who is deep in the throes of an independent streak that can sometimes be a challenge in public. But if you leave kids unsupervised there are very few instances where I am able to tamp down my judgey.

what if instead of doing this (or in addition to, if you feel you must),sheets with information on how to get inexpensive birth control were placed around the store, where employees could find them and benefit from the info?

What this makes me want to do is set up an organization that offers vouchers for homeless parents to use to put their child in drop-off care while attending job interviews, and then helps them navigate the intricacies of applying for state subsidies for child care once they have a job. It would also work with the…

This is the original story: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2…