What the fuck is this nonsense? I’ve watched enough Japanese porn to know that THIS MUTHAFUCKKA GOT A DICK ON HIS BACK!

I mean, the coach’s name is Uchida.

Assuming Vegas wins it all, which is more unlikely - this, or Leicester winning the Premier League? I want to say Vegas as an expansion franchise, but Leicester winning in the Big 6 era is probably more insane. I’ve flip-flopped on this during the two minutes it took me to type this.

Ya know, at the start of the game, BOTH pitchers are working on perfect games. It really is rude of any batter to try to get a hit in that situation.

he gave a performance that will go down in the quickbooks.

The Leafs are good, the Raptors are good, the Argos are defending champs...it almost seems like things here are too good to be true and nothing can...

Hooverballs come in two styles, “His” and “Hernias”.

Along with the other 99 percent of America, I would never have known that this was not Cleveland.

Does this count as another major?

I’m trying to picture rush hour in Canada and all I can see are drivers apologizing profusely and insisting that others go first.

It’s the Browns. This is like Schrödinger’s Draft Pick. Whoever they choose has a 50% chance of being a dead cat.

“Melania knows that I call my daughter my girlfriend. That’s what I was talking about. I don’t have a girlfriend,” he said.

Mark Wahlberg in:

“I’m interested in a powerful position in government and I’m willing to bribe you with a baseball team.”

Man, now chants at a Rangers game. This is getting Messier and Messier.

Has hockey ever been better? You have guys like Malkin, Crosby, Ovechkin, Kane, and Toews who heralded in this new era of guys who are magicians with the puck. You have guys like Seguin and Kucherov who are entering their prime. Now you have this new generation of uber talent entering the league McDavid, Matthews,…

Man, if the Leafs ever get a half-decent blue line...

I haven’t seen an NHL player’s parents this excited about him making it big since Jack Johnson made his debut.