Two of my biggest fears are 1. dying on an amusement park ride and 2. dying in a manner that would make people laugh inadvertently when they heard it.

HEY THAT’S ME! I MADE THAT! True life, I cried a little bit when I got it in the mail, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen my father look at me with such pride.

I’m pretty mediocre. I’m ashamed to admit it.

I’ve long said Amy’s talents are not in her standup. She put together a great team of writers and she is maybe one of the few comics whose show is better (by a long shot, really) than her comedy. Her sketches are very smart, but many of them can’t translate well into solid standup jokes. The Friday Night Lights parody…

Really? I love Hannibal’s stuff as a comedian but I think Schumer could take him down in a fight 9 times out of 10. She has a dope right cross and an amazing defensive game. It wouldn’t be much of a contest IMHO.

Neither of them hold a candle to Gallagher, though.

Preach. - A father of three adopted children

I hate all these celebrity paternity stories (this one, the constant rumors about Khloe Kardashian, etc.). Regardless of the DNA test, Bill Clinton is her father. That’s how parenthood works. Biological origins are useful for medical histories, and that’s about it; they are certainly of no use to the public. All of…

Thank you- <hugs> right back. It sucks but at least it keeps us “woke” right? So we can call people out on this kinda stuff- maybe they'll get the message- I know one of the stories on this has over 2k shares already. Good! This should NEVER have happened and it should never happen again. Survivors need support!

I am literally trying not to vomit right now. I... Ok. Here goes. I have been assaulted and molested. And the only people I told brushed me off. That was bad enough. But if I called the cops and THIS happened? I would probably kill myself. Not an exaggeration- I have severe social anxiety. This is so fucking heinous…

Never should’ve said that code phrase that activated the subliminal programming.

Yeah, 1’s the best: they can walk so you don’t have to carry them everywhere, their personalities are starting to emerge, but they’re also just happy to be with you and do whatever you’re doing. You can sit them on the counter and they just stay there contentedly. Basically it’s like parenting a Muppet.

Senator Harold objects

Indoor attack cat.

Exactly. One used to work to earn money. One is a snobby bitch.

Honestly, Kim is not the person who comes out looking bad in this quote...

One of my favorite things about Beyonce:

fwiw “curl up like a shrimp” is 100 times funnier

This made my whole body curl up like a shrimp from contact embarrassment.

No snark, this was another good read. Thanks for this.