You're kind of a scumbag.

i am also totally team jack white on this; the commentary (from the Jezebel author) was kinda petty and scrapin' the bottom of the barrel in my opinion. slow news day?

Really? Nothing like interpreting somebody else's words for entertainment value. Except your interpretation wasn't the least bit entertaining. I'd say his requests are pretty reasonable when compared with the likes of say...Jennifer Lopez. His requests are reasonable when not compared to anyone else actually. …

Tabasco in guacamole?

...Is it bad that this seems pretty reasonable to me? I mean, refusal to use any capital letters aside. The original rider seemed pretty standard, and definitely not worthy of as much as has been written about it, and I'm sure it's got to be annoying to still be talking about it to anyone that interviews him. Plus, he…

I actually looked at the rider. He was asking for things like having a clean, dry dressing room in close proximity to the stage, couches to sit on, really simple food and beverages for his crew. I've been at some back stage thingies, and the ones I have been to have been pretty simple as well. He's asking for…

I really don't think this would look anywhere near as bad without the crowbarred wisecracks telling me what I'm supposed to think between every paragraph. I'm struggling to find anything wrong with this, and I'm not even a Jack White fan.

A lot of time these riders are so the band knows the venue is paying attention to other things in the contract that are more important. And let the guy eat whatever he wants.

Wow, I never thought I'd say this, but — Team White

*Screw you, Caleb Hannan. Don't you understand that this is the beauty of the free market at work?

OMG SHE MADE EYE CONTACT WITH ME THAT MEANS MAYBE SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So that's how boob armor looks like in Real life.

GAMERS SEE RIGHT THRU THIS GARBAGE!

Good to see that "Hey, look at these breasts! Now go play Microtransactions: The Game!" is still a hilariously effective marketing strategy.

Because...

"Why buy this run-down european country when you can have this stealth super-bomber instead?"

Just a public service announcement to you over sensitive feminists out there looking for men to hate...

Boston sports fans are as fairweather as it gets. I lived in Boston from 1990-1992 and I could count on 1 (maybe 2) hands the number of Pats fans I encountered. Sawks fans? Tons. Bruins fans? plenty. Celtics fans? There were many, but as the team went from Larry Bird and titles to Reggie Lewis & Dee Brown not winning…