NO. Do NOT use the handicapped button. We had a memo circulated at a school I worked at to tell able-bodied students to leave the button alone. More people hitting the button means it wears out faster and the school didn’t have money to fix it as often as it broke so the handicapped students were SOL when it…

I’ve never seen a Restoration Hardware before so when the catalogue arrived (unasked for) in the mail my boyfriend and I puzzled over it like an artifact. What is RH? Why are all the pictures so dark? Why is Criss Angel quoting Muhammad Ali?

You have my empathy and I have also fought through years of suicidal thinking. I describe it as a black hole. No matter how much love and support was thrown at me, it was all crushed into non-existance by my mental illness. Same with money, same with personal success, same with any moments of brief happiness. I…

Mike Pence was sitting in the owner’s box with Woody Johnson and no one bothered to boo him. Johnson is on the shortlist to be ambassador to the UK so brace for more London games.

Dorial Green-Beckham wore a pair of Kanye West cleats saying they benefited the Yeezy Foundation. This guy fucks.

Cam smirked through his whole presser. He seemed pleased to be talking about his coach’s terrible decision of benching him for one series. And not like, you know - the Panthers abominable play.  

I smoke weed every night before bed because it helps me sleep and it helps me dream about nachos.

I blame Madden 17.

Our game, New England rushed 46 times. 

I wonder if there is a way to send the Standing Rock supplies they could use? I mean, all those Bundy dilldos were sent from Amazon and I know people did that with bottled water to Flint as well.

Fisher went along with the ‘Will Hayes believes in mermaids but not dinosaurs’ bit on Hard Knocks so I’m going with troll.

The price of manufacturing has actually gotten cheaper in the US thanks to fracking giving us a cheap domestic power source. But the jobs that rural whites have a hard on for (single earner wages that can support a family with a stable company you can work at for 40 years) have not existed for at least a generation. …

Collinsworth was delightfully brutal this game. As Houston repeatedly ripped through the O line like a it was a pillow fort Collinsworth kept repeating a variation of “take that tackle out or both he and Siemian will be killed.” And he slagged Norwood a ton and wondered why he kept being put back in the game after…

Thug.

For GOAT funny play I go back and forth between the Buttfumble and “The Pagano” from the Colts. On the one hand, the Buttfumble is a national treasure. On the other hand, The Pagano had everything: unjustifiable playcalling, clueless players and illegal formation. As a Pats fan it’s a delicious question to ponder.

When I read the headline that he wasn’t going to go after Hillary, I actually felt absurdly grateful. Legally, I know he didn’t have a leg to stand on but like that’s ever stopped him before. I know Hillary is tough but since the election I’ve turned into Chris Crocker wailing, Leave Hillary alone!

I convinced the police to do a health and wellness call to a friend of mine who was posting extremely disturbing things on FB. IDK if she was always mentally ill or if she was just having a serious episode, but on FB she was saying how her host family (exchange student) was taking her money, changing her grades,…

Trump thinks that because he’s president people will suddenly have to sit down and shut up. He totally ignores the fact that other politicians, pundits, press members, authors and HIMSELF make entire careers taking shots at POTUS. I predict he will keep up his busy schedule of calling into shows and binge tweeting…

Unless it’s ‘fetch me my McDonalds.’

Being unemployed I watched MSNBC non-stop in the lead up to the election. When Conway signed on they were smirking but giving her credit for managing a ‘difficult candidate’ and spoke highly of her professionalism. Of course this was when they thought Trump didn’t have a chance in hell. After the election they…