Oh good! It wasn't triggering, thankfully it seems I am past that phase of my life. Maybe we were sharing a tonglen moment together today. I confess I didn't take the full time to do it, however I did spend time contemplating the situation and remembering my commitment to it. I am sorry that you are in a situation…

I'm so sorry you had to witness that. It is always shocking to experience such a thing. I had a friend once who witnessed a child getting hit and shaken by his father while in a car. She noted the time, place, make, model and license plate number and called in a report. She was taken seriously and the family was…

I'm SO happy for you. How lovely to have this aspect of yourself return. Why not let yourself have time to really enjoy the feelings without seeking our a sexual partner, at least for a little while? See how if changes your energy and how you relate to people and how they relate to you. Enjoy feeling lovely and sexy!…

are you doing any talk therapy in addition to the meds? My experience with depression (my own and in relationship with others who have depression) has shown me that meds are essential, but they only help alleviate the symptoms enough to give me the energy to engage with working on my dysfunctional patterns, beliefs,…

She is describing a pattern of behavior, not an occasional outburst. Setting a high standard of respect in a relationship is a choice, not a matter of showing only a positive face. Yes, people behave badly at some point in their relationships, act out, speak thoughtlessly or hurtfully. She describes verbal…

I'm sure he means the kind things he says when he is feeling loving, just as I am sure he really means the things he says when he is feeling hateful. The only reason to tolerate that sort of behavior in a relationship is if you are parenting a small child. In adult relationships, people are supposed to be able to…

You are correct. It is bigger than self sabotage. It is a disease, called addiction, and it is survivable if you follow a plan to manage it, and it can be fatal to you or others, if you do not. I am so glad you are taking this first step to get help. You can do it if you put in the effort.

I totally get what you are saying. It is a big deal, how money can shape the dynamics of a relationship. In my marriage, which ended in divorce, my ex would push for a lot of financial decisions because they made the most sense in terms of saving money, including paying off my student loans. His idea of what made the…

It sounds like you do need to reach out and get some professional help. And, you are just getting started with your life as an adult. Yes, things will get better. Your life can be even better than what you have imagined for yourself. Much better! Right now, start with taking very good care of yourself—-find a good…

Yes, I was thinking of an external one. I usually take a very long time to come when I haven't been with a partner for very long and discovered that a vibe on my clit really sped up my orgasm. That experience happened because I was with a partner at the time who liked to use a lot of toys. If you use it while he's…

I second Mrssalazar below and raise her a decade. Unlike you, it wasn't until I was in my late 30s early 40s (post divorce) that I ran headlong into all the internalized sexist bullshit that had slipped under my feminist high achieving radar. I was truly stupefied by how worthless I felt, finding myself on my own,…

How do you feel about using a vibrator when you have sex?

I feel for you. And I second those who have said that one of the most important parts of addiction is the lying. My ex-husband was an addict and I swore to myself I was never going to deal with that sort of relationship again. If you do not want to be drawn into the role of enabler, you will need to let go of making…

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time now, and such a long struggle. Have you ever listened to "the mental illness happy hour" podcast? You can download it from itunes and there is a website for the show "mentalpod.com." The host, Paul Gilmartin, started the podcast and website because he wanted a community…

I am sorry you are going through this hard time. My experience has been that conflict in relationships is never just about the sex or money or family or whatever. It sounds like there is a lot of communication that is not happening in your relationship and without it, a lot of unmet needs, unexpressed feelings and…

The last semester of grad school stress may be the issue. It is temporary, but months of insomnia is not good either. When you practice all the no caffeine, no t.v. or internet or "screen" stuff of any kind before bed, how much time do you really give yourself for that? What activities are you doing before bed? How…

Mary Oliver's poetry is subversively feminist. She is lyrical and grounded in an absolute connection to the natural world. The line "Let the soft animal of the body love what it loves" from her poem Wild Geese illustrates what I mean. It may open more conservative people up and connect with them in a way that a more…

Hey I'm replying to myself. I felt like I need to add something about the experience of encountering solitude and how that can be filled with feelings of failure and rejection. I don't want to seem dismissive or glib about how difficult those moments in life can be. I'm just saying that it is vital for all of us, men…

I love my solitude. Being alone is not the problem. The stories attached to being alone are the issue. And I feel like it's important to say that MOST women will spend a some portion of their lives alone even if they are in a relationship that lasts for a very long time. I am with you Lindy. I am more than with you.…

As a good friend, and fellow survivor of child abuse, once said: