Once upon a season dreary,
while I pondered a weak secondary
And dreams of many quaint and curious playoffs of forgotten lore
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came thunder clapping,
As of reporters fap fap fapping, fapping at Ray of yore
What murder? Sell some jerseys! Bilk the fans! Forget the gore!

What Ray actually said was:
"Take the stand, or else you take the fall."

He's just showing support for his absent teammate.

I think he was just scared that finger gun was real

This surely wasn't the first time Brady saw Welker drop something.

Good thing that Japanese surgeon announced his two for one special on Tommy John surgery before the game.

They could have at least worked some shaken-up soda cans into the wall so we'd be treated to a few cool flavor explosions.

What are you talking about? I don't see Terrell Owens ANYwhere.

I can't really fault the Golf Channel for this. Live broadcasts are a real pressure-cooker.

Oklahoma State and Florida State students...? Nope, they were looked down upon by paste eaters.

Tiny dicks on ESPN? What is this, First Take?

And that is a ball outside.

At least their urine tests were clean.

The real question is how many unwritten rules are being broken here?

"Haven't won dick in a decade." I mean yeah they haven't won the Super Bowl in a decade, but getting to five AFC Championship Games in nine years, and winning two of them, is an accomplishment. Of course Brady is going to be upset about this. But if you put players in charge of managing the salary cap it would be a…

Hey, look, all I know is that between the McDonalds and Burger King in my town, Burger King burgers only give me regret, while McDonalds burgers give me regret, plus green (possibly radioactive) spiky deathshits for the rest of the day. If I need to start paying for my whoppers in beaver skins or Euros or whatever…

And still others are angered by the fact that Sam has been the victim of an apparent double standard, wherein high-profile draftees like Johnny Manziel—white, rich, and straight—are celebrated for racking up endorsements and Instagramming themselves holding fistfuls of cash while Sam, who grew up in extreme poverty…

You're totally right; the way in which he has turned down most of his sponsorship opportunities, canceled the reality documentary after negative feedback, performed well in the preseason, and given one interview since being drafted by the Rams (in which he talked about how performing well in the preseason gave him…