** All three fans die of dehydration.

Does he crack the top 5?

I just ate your mind because there was ribs in there. Thank you.

Man Who Broke His Marriage Vows Criticizes Woman Who Didn’t.

An Arnold Palmer does not contain alcohol

No it doesn’t. It just permits the police to withhold it. (At least in North Carolina).

Even his coach admits this take is truer than the beams in Tower 7.

Um, the Financial Times is NOT the National Enquirer. Before reporting this news there were likely multiple confirmed sources.

Katmandidn’t

going to log a complaint of too many lefts...

Our area is home to wintering bald eagles that migrate down from the north. We go eagle watching every year. Awesome to see them catch fish in the river or steal a fish right out of the talons of another flying eagle. Sometimes they’ll fly into one in mid-flight that already caught a fish to get it to drop it. Then…

There are women at my work that have speaker phone conversations in the bathrooms. Like I can hear the whole conversation and i’m like what is wrong with you people. The other day I heard what I thought was a conversation on speaker phone, and I walked out of the stall and realized that she had been facetiming the…

He is also a heavy government sponge. That RV, his retirement, his gluttonous, besotted life before retirement, and every dime this leech spends from now on is funded by the government that he shut down twice, rambled on so incoherently about being way too big, and wants to drown in bathtub like each and every…

Orange you glad to be on vacation, Speaker?

A year or so ago, a woman was on the phone in the stall next to me, having a regular conversation, and then YELLED AT ME for flushing while she was on the phone.

You should’ve started belting out some very loud exclamations of relief in the background: “Oh JESUS! MotherFUCKER that’s good stuff! Thank fucking GOD...I am NEVER going to Chipotle again.”

I would flush twice. Just to up the awkwardness factor.

Personally, I like The Las Vegas Girls Direct To You Card Slappers

You: ...hate... shitty... crap... shitty...

Victims of sexual abuse can very often also end up as perpetrators.