I have to thank Deadspin for turning me on to Doug Schneider’s twitter feed. He sends out police scanner quotes from Green Bay cops dealing with drunk Wisconsinites during games.

The late Denny Green’s assessment of NASCAR fans:

WHAAAAAAA

My wife and I were camping by a river this spring and at about 7:30 a.m. I was getting the fire started and looked up to see this bald eagle diving towards the river... the talons, the swooping, he grabbed a trout and kept flying.

I think so... Boehner is a heavy smoker as well.

“You’re gonna blow out your O-ring!”

Last week there was a guy in the stall next to me that was carrying on a full, professional phone conversation with a client with repeated plops in the background. I even waited to get up until he was finished so there wouldn’t be an audible flush.

Does your shirt say “Corporate Storm Pajamas”?

No, I remember Rome taunting them with “Chris Goth” followed by tables flipping and many fiery arrows.

Bring me the finest Cambodian breast milks.

I have had a handful of discussions with friends about Mulholland Drive and I have yet to encounter anyone that didn’t despise the movie after seeing it.

“Hillary is running misleading ads featuring words that I have publicly spoken! Those ties are made in Bangladesh, Alabama!”

She is not transgender.

This is absolutely true. I remember my dad telling me about how during some sugar shortage in the 70s, the price of soda went from $0.10 a can to $0.50 overnight... obviously the price of soda never went back down.

True story about the awfulness of Jack Baruth: a handful of years ago, a commenter on here (who ran an auto-related website) said a few critical things about Mr. Baruth. That person received a harassing and uncomfortable call from Mr. Baruth that day on his cell phone. Apparently he got the commenter’s phone number…

This may be the worst comment in Jezebel history.

CLEARLY David Robinson hates America as much as Gabby. Something I’m sure he picked up during his 4 years of service in the Navy.

Also, valid:

+1 Macaulay Culkin

I can’t argue with the guy that says it’s “ludacris”