Drunk Irish guy punches other drunk Irish guy. This is the kind of scoop I come to Deadspin for.

This is the most Irish thing ever.

I’m 30, unemployed, my groin and hip are fucked up, and there’s a non-zero chance I have cancer on my dick. Somehow, the Vikings are going to be the worst part of my year.

My dad predicted the Gary Anderson miss, and gloated in our sad faces when it came true. Told us to never trust “those bums.”

Also, you don’t form a union because your boss is an asshole. You do it because your company is owned by The Chernin Group and collective bargaining is going to offer you a lot more protection than a real nice boss.

My guess is Barstool fans have a pretty nuanced take on union advocates in sports. I’m guessing they think of Andy Messersmith as being a team-first, scrappy and hustling labor man as opposed to Curt Flood and his athletic, showboating, individualistic take on worker’s rights. 

“Unions are for Pussies”

I love when dipshits talk tough in service of cutting their own dicks off. Bravo, you futon stains.

No one ever formed a union because they wanted to make less money and have less job security. Your boss keeps you around because the value you produce is more than what he pays you, a union just helps ensure that gap is smaller. 

If everything is so hunky-dory then he should welcome the union talk and be confident that a no vote would prevail. What you cannot do is threaten folks who see to even pursue this option, whether or not it is eventually voted for not.

The best bosses allow people to . . . keep their own money?

The word “hero” gets tossed around a lot, but ...

I feel like that whole “No depictions of him ever or woe unto you” thing probably hurts Muhammad in the fame department vs. Jesus who, say what you will, knew how to brand.

I don’t know. In order to be famous somebody would have to be able to recognize your face, right? Well, just try to get somebody to accurately depict the prophet Muhammad. All of a sudden everybody’s memory gets real foggy.

Cleveland fans have been so deluded by a single Cavs title — the result of a once-in-a-generation level hometown talent committing an act of charity that would have made Jesus blush — that the Browns trying to replicate that model. But the moral they took from the story wasn’t finding a “once-in-a-generation level…

There aren’t a lot of “M” bones in the leg. Metatarsals are small bones in the foot. The two bumps you can feel sticking out on either side of your ankle are the medial and lateral malleolus, and part of the tibia.

Managing expectations for this team is like having a two year old. I know you’re going to shit your pants today but if you can manage to keep most of it in your diaper and off the walls we can call that a success. 

It is SO WEIRD to see the Browns WYTS this late in August.

Well, I don’t blame him. You can’t exactly search Backpage anymore when you want some helmet. 

Jesus, let him play in whatever helmet he wants. It's clearly too late to prevent a serious brain injury. 

Or maybe the wealthy professional football team he plays for could figure out a way to get its hands on one for him.