this story just reminded me that sex is pretty gross when you think about it. One day you're nervous about sitting next to a cute girl in kindergarten and 20 years later you're licking the butthole of someone you just met. I think kindergarten me was more rational

I hate Justin Bieber because we basically have the same body, but he's using his to make millions and, I just use mine to walk around

feel good story of the year candidate right here

don't get me wrong, this dude sucks. However, if this was written by a woman looking for a man Id haVe moved in yesterday. I'm tired of choices

my exgirlfriend is pregnant, and it's mine. How can I get a job making decent money fast?

but only dumbasses own guns

first of all, I've read infinite jest. It took me about a month and was ok. Have you two ever considered the fact that you might be dumb and have dumb friends?

I get that you're not going to release this little shitlicker's name until he is formerly charged, but did you really have to give him my name?

How, in 2014, does a magazine allow something like that to happen? And by allow, I mean actively select only whites?

there is a section of Moby dick where a whale steak dinner is described at length and it made me furious that we'd already killed so many whales that I could never eat one without being a sociopath

he's seen it a million times when she has absentmindedly changed in front of him, because I am absolutely certain that he is gay and that letting her take all the heat in that "cheating" scandal was disgusting

"it came upon a midnight clear" writes itself

what's stopping you? I mean besides crippling debt

copious amounts of jesus and a manic pixie dream girl? Looks like this movie has its finger on jezebel's pulse, while fifty shades only wants its finger on jezebel's clitoris

first of all this is one of my favorite posts ever. By the time I got to the sim character entry in the chart Id ceased laughing and started cringing because we share an awful brain.

seriously. this story briefly made me want to call my girlfriend, tell her how precious life is, and propose. We've been together a little over a month...

yeah, I'm more of a johnny drama type of guy myself, but I've never heard anyone imply that Adrian grenier isnt a handsome devil. He is tiny though

We called em happy socks, but I've always been a toilet tissue type of man

I don't want to belabor this point too aggressively, but I feel like he could afford two "all the ways" and still have money for grizzly*

Wait, what kind of john wouldn't pay the $50 for penetration?