I know they haven’t asked for my legal help, but here are the top defenses these women should consider as the circumstances suggest:

“Goddamn Obama just lets people steal things now and doesn’t even care.” -Drunk father in law looking over my shoulder as I read this article. Merry Christmas!

The Washington Post continues its deep dive into the murky world of college athletics finances, this time taking a look at the extravagant facilities being built for athletes, like Clemson’s “players’ village” which includes laser tag, miniature golf, and bowling. [Washington Post]

a toupee someone found in a garbage can and stapled to a sweet potato

If only Derek Fisher would have “Stood his ground.” Damn those California gun laws!

LSU thought they had the budget to give Fisher everything he needed to be successful, but the cost of relocating the entire Tallahassee police department to Baton Rouge proved to be prohibitive.

After what happened to us all in Thanksgiving, THANK THE STARS ITS NOT BIG SEAN

Coldplay?? Haha, okay. Let me know when they get Prince again, then I’ll watch a Super Bowl again.

Mom’s gonna fix it all soon.
Mom’s comin’ round to put it back the way it ought to be.

The fuck are you talking about? Tiger’s collapse came about over a year before Rory won his first major. Besides, 1995 Hakeem Olajuwon making MVP David Robinson his personal chew toy says hi.

Your mother just shared me on Facebook thooooo

Because that’s not comeuppance and just slaughter?

I get the anger, but it’s just a game. Wishing a mass shooting on anyone is fucked up beyond belief. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Lord, “unstoppable suck” vs “unmovable wall of shit”? Deadspin needs to stick to sports and not get involved in discussing the Republican primary.

I don’t ‘hate’ Kobe, nor do I ‘love’ Mike, but in pure basketballing terms, prime Michael Jordan would wipe the goddamn floor with Kobe Bryant. There is no debate to be had.

That’s where I thought it was. I’m there.

What about the rape? Or being a horrible teammate, asshole, and all-around bad person? You have an argument if we only look at what he did in the court, although he seems to be a bad enough teammate that your argument still isn’t that strong. But if you look at the big picture, his legacy definitely needs some…

KG would’ve won the Game of Thrones by season 2.

White guy reporting in. Cam Newton is great. I love to see someone having fun.

When I said you seem fun, I wasn’t telling the truth. You don’t seem fun.