REDWOOD JOHNSON HAHAHAHAHAaaaaaaaaaaa

Goddamn, I wish I was that cigarette.

Geez man, when you start to hear all these stories of what a weird old creep Alan Thicke was back in the 80s, it's just like NO WONDER Kirk Cameron went all super Jesus on everybody. Shit, no wonder.

I KNEW Alan Thicke was a creeper! I KNEW it and no one was believing me because of stupid Growing Pains.

I'm mostly interested in when he saw LeBron James' penis. That's got to be an interesting story.

I need to see an episode where a lovely young woman who works for a non-profit beats her boyfriend to death with a microphone after he hijacks her Today show interview with a public marriage proposal. Chung-chung.

One of the many reasons my wife and I LOVE that show.

That episode was worth it, just to see Tutuola's eyes pop out of his head during one of "Deen"'s particularly fantastic hate rants.

"The Blonde Christmas Angel" perhaps?

If the next episode doesn't have Roma baby snatching and a teen mom "sex tape," I will eat my hat.

Let's think of other episodes with multiple pop culture references. Here I will go first...owner of internet famous cat named Unhappy Cat is actually using cat as drug mule to provide cocaine to actor on set of new movie based on mommie porn book, lead actor mysteriously dies on set.

I was all like this

Nah. I was more like this.

Screw you Patti Stranger. I welcome my color enhanced sisters to the redhead club with open arms, but you've been bad to my people over the years. You don't get to apply for membership now.

It's Regina Phalange!

Hooray for Team Masturbation!

Isn't there a scene where he'll be tied to a chair? That'll help him get his father's attention at least.

Not that they'd ever listen, but here's how you boost sales:

Here's hoping that the "text across the ass" trend in general dies the same death as Juicy Couture.