You shut your fucking mouth.

I think they are afraid Chelsea is going to announce his signing:

If a tree is removed and no one was around to witness it, was it ever really there?

whanged is a criminally underused word.

fewer people in my way at disney parks? good!

“If you’ll remember, in the 2002 World Series, Darren was a toddler acting as a bat boy (who thought this was a good idea?) and nearly got run over by J.T. Snow and David Bell as they ran across home plate on a Kenny Lofton triple to deep center”

Excellent writing. Thank you.

Dammit, I had the perfect joke for this before I realized I mixed up Shania Twain with Sheryl Crow. Man, I feel like a moron.

It’s tough to get anyone in Washington to admit to obstruction these days.

When McEnroe first heard the news that Navratilova had announced she was gay, he was heard to yell, “OF COURSE SHE’S OUT! USE YOUR FUCKING EYES, ARE YOU BLIND? HOW COULD YOU SAY SHE WASN’T OUT WHEN SHE WAS CLEARLY OUT?!?!”

Eh, even if he’s not as good at baseball, he will never not be a Good Baseball Man.

Unfortunately, this will only be the second most devastating withdrawal from Paris today.

These layoff announcements are getting more and more sudden.

George Glass.

That crowd looks exactly like what I pictured a Golden Tee championship to look like.

The only thing better than clowning Crosby all game was Mike Milbury’s very palpable postgame frustration that the Senators are still in the playoffs.

I’m trying to picture rush hour in Canada and all I can see are drivers apologizing profusely and insisting that others go first.

I’m not sure what everyone wanted him to do in this situation. He’s not allowed to use his hands.

OK, I went to the link to his mom’s craft store and it’s breaking my heart - everything is sold. I am assuming people did this to show their support for him, but sometimes people are amazing: