I thought “Halle Berry” was Helen Keller’s call for a last-ditch throw deep into the end zone?

A new Clinton in DC, with the “Dix” jokes already built right in. 

The Browns are a state of mind. 

Haley leaving the Browns parking lot...

will turn this 2-5-1 team around

David Gelertner not only seems nuts from both that article and interview, but he was one of the targets of the Unabomber. From the NY Times article about his bombing, there’s also this tibdit:

Waiter? Waiter! Yes, this word salad kinda stinks, could you take it back please? Thanks.

I get what your saying, but have you ever accidentally sat on your own balls? That and the end of Terminator 2. Totally okay. 

And let’s not forget how bad the attendance numbers look once you account for the fact that Philip Rivers’ family is responsible for filling half of the seats.

I was raised a southern Baptist and one thing that always stuck with me from the time I was a kid until this very moment is: Why are we supposed to matter?

Oh, it turns out the doctor was his mother, and the reason she couldn’t operate was she had puked and pissed on herself.

If by white collar career, you mean stacking shirts at JC Penney’s, then maybe.

The best part of that tweet is picturing Phillip reading it, suddenly getting nervous, and screaming at his wife “Ovulate! Ovulate! God fucking damn it!”

“I demand a recount.”

--Antonio Cromartie

“We are not men, what are we doing with our lives?”

“I've seen him eat corn nibblets, but he scooped them!"

He failed the Spider-Z Y-Banana test. 

Boy will Gruden be red in the face when he reads this