Listen, it is illegal to exhibit any sort of excitement about a potential bounce-back from Jason Heyward until he actually finishes a full season with an OPS over .800.

I really, really, really want to shittily photoshop James McAvoy’s face and a NY jersey onto Clark the Cub to give you the proper illustration of this wonderful comment, but I’m at work. :-(

I love baseball. Where else can you see two guys get to third base on the same play as a foul ball out.

I dunno, the way Gomez stayed down suggests two guys, one cup.

Rub his nose in it, otherwise he’ll never learn.

Emmitt Smith: So that’s why they call it an “oldbitchuary.”

Or just date someone named “Stacy Smith” who loves windmills. Problem solved!

My best, Ed

Is it ok to peel food in the bathroom? Should I say anything?

Hey some of us have other types of jobs that we don’t do

As soon as my state opens a sportsbook, first thing I’m doing is putting down 50 grand on the Washington Generals!

Because I’m at work trying to do anything but my actual work?

Oddly enough, stopping Yetis was the number two reason Betsy Devos gave for arming teachers.

“Cooler heads will not prevail.”

He played at 48 years old. That number doesn’t do justice to how old he actually looked. You would put a silver alert out on this man if he showed up in pads today.

The best old guy playing was George Blanda. He not only was old, he looked old and kicked field goals straight on.

If he’s black, he goes undrafted. If he’s white, he goes No. 1 overall and they have a team of musclemen carry him from game to game in a solid gold litter, Cleopatra-style.

Where do you stand on Jamie Moyer and Julio Franco? Moyer had none of the fun parts of Big Bart (aka he wasn’t fat), but Julio Franco was a good old guy.