I imagine Noah's smoothie would be called the Pineapple Express.

Say what you will about Democrats, but they are masters of going behind the back to make a pass at a girl.

On Nov. 3, Incognito sent texts to Mike Pouncey and Nate Garner in which he asked them to destroy the book, saying, "They're going to suspend me. Please destroy the fine book first thing in the morning." They didn't.

Investigators found that the pattern of harassment started at the very top, with Miami football fans repeatedly having their eyes assaulted by the play of the Dolphins.

I know this is fake, but this video has exactly what I'm looking for in a gym.

I'm not only glad he was able to come out of the closet, I'm also glad he escaped from V.C. Andrew's attic.

+1

During the second call, Bill Belichick not only enthusiastically recommended Schiano, but raved about an offensive coordinator who could revive the Browns hopes: Howard Sterns-Buttcheese.

Clerk: "Privet. How may I be being of service?"

I like that pillow fighting has been added as a demonstration sport, where the athletes fight to the death for precious pillows that are in limited supply.

Oh, how I will miss the Evan's MVP Watch during these long, football-less months.

I have always loved the biathlon too. I think because it is the most James Bond Olympic sport — ski and then shoot stuff.

Even better, Jamie Casino only charges a five-cent retainer, and if he doesn't win your case, you get your Nickelback.

Those toilets are just following the collective pooping philosophy laid out in Marx's Deuce Kapital.

+1 great pull.

Would have pegged him as a Peyton Manning fan given how much he shrinks in the spotlight.

Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I'm being repressed!

I am looking forward to Microsoft revolutionizing the videogame console industry when they merge the Kinect with a Fleshlight.

I support Auburn in this, as I have also been robbed of the title of "Greatest Basketball Dunker of All Time" simply because the established media refuses to certify results from dunks on Lil' Tykes hoops.

Police also issued an Amber Alert when Jamarcus Russell was seen leaving an area hospital with a dozen babies and a large bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's sauce. They later cancelled the alert when Russell was found asleep without the babies or sauce, although he was muttering about "the itis" and licking his fingers.