Cannot resist.

Jim Harbaugh is the internet.

Complete with totally unnecessary tendon-rupturing tackle at the end.

That laugh. If I got laughed at like that after nearly killing the QB, I'd want to go have a sit and a bong hit and maybe think about a new line of work.

NBA "star"? If I weren't too fucked up to write coherently, I'd say something devastatingly clever about how you and the University of Phoenix are something fuck. I wish I had work to call in sick to tomorow.

That blew my god damn mind when I saw it happen. He couldn't even SEE the other player.

After this lateral, the greatest of all time, there was no longer a need for laterals.

I knew her personally (kinda - season tickets for years as a kid in the section she would sit in at Riverfront) and this is real to me. I laughed.

Drew, the day you remove the Evans bit, is the day I never read the Jambaroo again. Jesus christ, my sides.

Either these are all lies or Mike Ditka is my new god damn hero.

As karaoke non-participant, I have a counterpoint - pathetic drunks singing sad songs at 2am wih every bit of their soul is AMAZING. It's bad, it's awful, and yet...I can't stay away.

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Jesus Christ, life is a lot more terrifying after reading that comment.

This is my favorite headline.

Some thoughts on inclines and declines: I have recently started taking my three year old son on hikes. He quickly learned that, 1; going uphill is bullshit, so he cries until I pick him up, and 2; going downhill is bad ass, so he does that when I need a hyperventilation break while trying to go uphill.

My son is three and there still hasn't been a legitimate instance that I've seen where he's been willfully evil. He's a dumb kid. I think the desire to least savagely beat your own offspring is a common, normal, but irrational thought when a toddler is in discovery mode (WHY DID YOU DO THAT YOU GOD DAMN BABY?) but you…

Let's all not have a sense of humor about anything.

A personal complaint or observation: I must be spectacularly hideous, or very bad at self-portraits, or write an awful profile, because responses to my messages are at about .5%. And I simply never get unsolicited messages. And yet...of the four first dates I've gone on since creating an online dating profile, each…

I almost feel bad for the dog, except that as docile as it's owner might think it is, it likely wouldn't hesitate to murder the fawn. Nature be cruel, and the female of the species is more deadly than the male. Moms don't mess around.

After the 4th hypothetically, and his absolutely, uh, punchable face up there, I was ready to put a fist through my screen. Because it was asking for it, amirite guys?