Obligatory comment that 10+ year-old NBA footage looks like it was filmed in the 1700s. Also, I just became intensely aware of how these guys pick points on the floor to shoot from...like they practiced those shots more or something. I could have used that when I was training for the NBA. As well as some athletic…

My kingdom for a hat that says "the world against Ohio" because fuck that state.

+1 demotion.

I like seeing a 9,999lb bear jerk back to avoid a peck from a 1 oz bird. Me too, bear. Me too.

I wish I was a bear.

Jesus, this was the best thing i could have ever read on a slow Friday. God damn, baseball is amazing.

I also caught myself picking my dried heel skin while getting coffee with friends. I stopped myself, and then fantasized about how I would go to town on my heels again as soon as I got out of the judging public's eye.

I didn't see this video until ...5 months after it was posted, but am commenting anyway. Jolie, you are my got dang hero.

Mm, you beat me to it - I was on my way to the comments to talk shit about how he made me hate him as the Reds GM. Seeing his name upsets me a teeny bit even now.

100% of my star is because of the high 3.

No, they aren't. Where in the hell did you hear that? Cops get trained in how to take physical control of situation they have almost always created.

—After the San Francisco Giants moved to what is now known as AT&T Park, Bonds slugged .753 there in 1996 plate appearances, which is what Mark McGwire did in 1998, the year he hit 70 home runs.

There's nothing wrong with Crossfit. Being active (or hyperactive, in Crossfit's case) is GREAT. Yes, for 30 somethings and above especially, it means more injuries, especially because great form isn't always preached. That's probably more of an individual problem than an organizational one. Probably. My answer to all…

So they're letting Pete Rose into stadiums AND letting him hold babies now? Not sure I'm comfortable with that.

I was still in a perpetual state of nausea because I thought he was going to be on my team (Pacers) next season. Hurray!

I was that super open-minded guy when we got married, and said I could hyphenate or we could take her name, or take a new awesome one like Tomahawk. She went with my surname. And since the kid and then a nasty divorce where she tried to take everything, including the kid, I am so incredibly happy we went with mine. It…

I could laugh...or I could do the Gawker-approved politically correct preachy thing at you that would get me 600 stars. Hmm.

Let's all laugh at the guy who is already miserable.

I went ahead and laughed.

This was a hell of a write-up. I grant you, dear author, a single plus one, and share with you unconditional adoration for Prince Fielder.