Yeah, I'm sorry. I know the long, discursive style can be off-putting to people. That's why we always post a no-frills, meat-and-potatoes, short-form version of the recipe over on my personal Kinja. Here's this week's one:

True enough, I did get off topic :P I don't know... you've given me something to think about.

I went there on a night that Nicolas Cage was there. Oh you read that right. And he caught a balloon in the audience and had to say a number aloud and he said "thirteen." I almost screamed.

There are ways, but yeah, it is an exclusive club. It's worth googling your options. I woudl ask around, post on social media, to see if you know someone who can get you in. Depending on their affiliation it can be free for you, $20, or you have to make a dinner reservation (in addition to the guestpass.) I've also…

I've also been several times and I highly recommend it. It contains some of the best magic you'll see.

I feel like the "Ginger Prince" needs a sidekick or a posse. Something along the lines of "Nutmeg Manservant" or "Coriander Gofer."

They ship the chocolate to you in a package with dry ice. They do not fuck around! Highly recommend all of the things. My period is not right without some Vosges.

ANYTHING FROM TRADER JOES. I like their "three ingredient" peppermint,honey,dark chocolate peppermintpatty type things. They're individually wrapped and I freeze them. They're an intense snack so they're good for savoring. Also, their cacao nibs are good. But seriously, half of my purchase at trader joes is chocolate.

Let me preface this by saying that I am aware I am an awful awful person. I have been married for six years, but about six months ago on a business trip I had drunk sex with a coworker. He didn't finish and I sent him away when I realized what was happening. He didn't use a condom. Flash forward to a couple weeks ago…

Buy some bags of Ghirardelli. They have a bunch of flavors, and the squares are individually wrapped. They've got dark choc with sea salt caramel, dark choc with raspberry, dark choc, dark choc with mink, dark choc with orange...

After a great day yesterday, I woke up at 3am with a gastro bug. And ended up in the ER to get something to make it so I could keep water down this afternoon.

Mini pretzels drizzled with dark chocolate

My current favorite is the chili bar by Lindt. I used to think it would have little chewy pieces of chili pepper in it, but it does not. It's just delicious dark chocolate with a warm spicy finish.

At Costco they sometimes have these dark chocolate sea salt caramels that are to die for! Even my husband who doesn't really like sweets (how does that happen!) really likes them.

Dark chocolate peanut butter cups from Trader Joe's. They're individually-sized in that you technically can eat just one at a time, but whenever I try that I end up going back for more a minute later. Soooooo good though.

It is! And you should see the size of the bag I got from Costco!

Can you get Lindt dark chocolate over there? You can get it from 60% all the way up to 99% over here, and it's good quality. No individual servings, but pfft.

Sea salt dark chocolate is your friend (I'm partial to the one by lindt). It's honestly one of the most amazing chocolate treats.

There's a brand of non-GMO dark chocolate that they sell in the organic sections called "Endangered Species" chocolate, each cover is a different endangered animal and they have different flavors, darkness, etc., and it's SO GOOD. I've had their 72%, 88% and the dark chocolate with hazelnut toffee, and they're all…

Lava cakes are where it's at. You can make them in delicious single-serving ramekins.