It just gets better. Trust me, dahling.

Dial soap: the bar, not the body wash. Zeasorb powder, available at any drugstore. Microfiber underwear without a cotton panel. It can be tamed.

...especially when the cockatoo visits.

So true, and don't understand why it's a no-go area of discussion. And I love you for "vagina-based terror."

Screeches 'n' howls, too?!?!? Sounds fun.

Prefer to think of it as ephemera from my own private rain forest.

Same here, only always right side. WTF, girl righty?

There's so much plot you could wring out of "nutraceuticals" alone.

I like the way you think.

No, but I'm Pole-axed.

Lands' End cardigans actually DO have knit-in frumpiness. Not sure about LL Bean, have never bought one from there (and am no longer from Lands' End, needless to say).

Glad I'm not the only one. The rest of the hair on my face is downy, there are three or four hairs in one spot that are the texture of fishing line. Also translucent so hard to see and pluck. The feeling of them growing through my skin before they are long enough to nab with tweezers drives me mad.

//giggle

I mightn't go so far as to plant poison ivy, but I would plant some herbs that cause nasty skin reactions. No signs, no warnings. Delayed revenge. Until the Downhill Butt Itch of the PA turnpike becomes urban legend.

You don't strike me as the type to say "yin'z," either. Or are you from PA?

LOL! Second-last appointment with my WONDERFUL hairdresser last night before she goes on maternity leave (unless bébé comes early). On her last maternity leave, I did a walk-in at Ulta. Bad. Bad. Bad. The stylist was most pleasant but ehrmagard — my hair! Looked like a refugee from a lunatic asylum. Can…

You're not a prude, this has a smarmy smirkiness to it. #RUNDON'TWALK

No, but she should! What a nice antidote to this and Goopyness.

... or Roseanne Barr.

My fault, I couldn't get paste that gag-me "editor on deadline" photo... when I'm on deadline I look like a wreck and sound like a shrew. I just assumed from that one photo that the rest was equally boolsheet. But if you don't want the J Peterman / Dollar Store idea, I might just have to run with it, since I do…