Since this came out last month I can assume that Simmons has fapped to this many, many times already.

Josh Smith felt a rhythmic, slap, slap, slapping and was even further confused as to what was happening.

Woody Hayes raised the bar just enough to clothesline a kid with it.

“Dad, would you mind if some of your ‘employees’ took a field trip up here to Minnesota. Could really use their expertise.”

When is he moving in with Papa John? That's the real question.

I remember him as “Tony the Tiger” from his time with Detroit when I was a kid. RIP

“I fucking hate it when you show up and someone else has the same outfit on!” — 50 Cent

Sometimes I think the most ridiculous thing about soccer is the fans wearing corporate jerseys. I will never buy a jersey with ads, but I might be in the minority. They must have figured out that decreased jersey sales are small compared to gained ad revenue.

No facemasks sounds great until you watch one man’s knee cave in another man’s face on live TV.

I think we need to move on from this play. He made an instinctual move based on where the ball may or may not go. He didn’t sit and there and plan it out. It was a split-second reaction that didn’t look good when everyone is able to break it down in slow motion. Manning’s pick looked horrible in slow motion too, but…

The dude danced, had fun, and made a lot of kids happy on the way to the SB. He lost and it was painful for him. Probably felt like he let his team down. These press conferences should have 24-48 hour waiting periods.

Adelson: “Hands up boys, don’t shoot!”

This will work well. It’s worked before.

What’s the over/under on when Kobe tears it down in the middle of the night?

What are the Colts doing? Drugs. Lots of drugs.

“I had two of the same player. Of course I was going to trade one for a Steph Curry rookie card. I would be crazy not to.”

If Kobe somehow finds the confidence to come back next year I’m blaming the Rockets for it.

“Look guys, Ubuntu means togetherness. Just not that type of togetherness.”

“Fe Fi Fo Fum, I smell the blood of a coach’s son!”