“I also believe that Trout is the best in Angels history. Salmon is also good, but doesn’t have the same robust flavor.”

“I have an idea, unlimited red flags! We can challenge every aspect of every play. I know it will slow the game down, but I really think fans will enjoy it. They already watch football all day so why not have an eight hour game??”

In related news, Tony Kornheiser has been sentenced to 50 years in prison on child pornography charges.

Fetisov is a real patriot who looks out for his fellow comrades. He even offered Putin a limo ride back to the hotel after the game.

This season on Hard Knocks, the Washington Redskins: Vision Quest.

“Whoa, Peyton Manning is the face of the NFL, pal!” — Letterman

Sources also say that Babcock has been seen sitting outside the LA Kings barricaded locker room with a “Will Coach Kingz 4 Food” sign.

“...has done LOTS of evil shit in the wake of its founding, all of it they presumably deem justified.”

Panarin said the Russians were going to teach the American college kids a lesson, but they got confused and proceeded to teach the Canadians how to skip out on class.

Not gonna happen! Writing for Deadspin is fun as hell!!!

“This roster is pretty terrible guys. Who’s running this team? I can’t work with this.” ::looks at Austin Rivers::

“Ron, what convinced you to hire Dave for the position?”

Domestic violence was part of the pre-nuptial agreement.

Gronk work hard. Gronk catch ball. Why question Gronk?

These never get old. At what point does he just give in and realize that people are going to touch his head to mess with him? Every time he gets pissed off like it’s the first time someone’s tried it.

I can imagine Bird telling Sterling to go fuck himself.

Terrible. I knew him to be a scholar and a gentleman...and a steward...and also a butler.

A parody of the commercial written by a 12 year old Cavs fan with anger issues.

I feel like ESPN invented the meaningless stat and Elias enabled them. Now everyone does it. Did you know that Bartolo Colon is 50-29 when the temperature is between 75 and 77 degrees and after having a manicure since his last start?