I used to play hockey, then I took a skate to the knee.

Anyone that heavily invested in projecting a Mountain Man/Lumberjack image may be hiding something...

Nike University (and most other major universities) is in the sports business. Education is a by-product. Anyone caught interfering in sports business will be dealt with accordingly.

"Blah Blah: The Story of How Someone Did Something and Changed Things Forever" — The title of every non-fiction book. Might as well list the entire Expos roster in alphabetical order while you're at it.

The World's Most Dangerous Man vs. The World's Most Dangerous Hobo

No Black and Tan?

"I was supposed to let Marshawn run it in, who was right in front of me. We had practiced this dozens, if not hundreds, of times before. But when the Lombardi trophy appeared in front of me, just sitting there, my mind went blank and Russell decided to pass."

Not only was Kane injured, but Versteeg was checked for concussion symptoms after claiming that Kane was the best player in the league.

Usually you have to pretend to save someone from falling off a billboard to get this kind of free publicity.

The orange represents the construction zones and the shit brown represents Lake Erie.

This is hockey. Corsi and Fenwick aren't dead. They have upper body injuries. They'll be returning to the lineup in a week or so.

"Who pays that much for sex acts?" — Greg Anthony

Usually it's Wilson who's making passes in triple coverage, not Tate.

"Who's Jay Williams and why don't I get to misremember things at the UNC-Duke game too?" — Dickie V.

This. Is. The. XFL!!!

I thought the Browns always had the hardest schedule? At least that's the way it looks every year.

I thought this was about LeBron's hair and then I realized I was being tricked into some kind of subliminal advertisement for a horrible movie.

RATM Tribute, not RATM.

Bill Simmons and "not funny" are about as closely related as the Sedins.

This is ridiculous. People want the real Spider-Man. Would you reboot the Batman franchise with Jean-Paul Valley? How about Bart Allen as the Flash? Or maybe Guy Gardner as the Green Lantern? Peter Parker is Spider-Man. Clark Kent is Superman. And Bruce Wayne is the goddamned Batman.