“Very sad about Johnny Football. Now let’s cut to the Gronk cam!”

Oh, and we’re assuming those are Brady’s rings, not Belichick’s.

Player: Hello Coach Chip, how are you today?

He’s not a racist, nor is he a tyrant. Any NFL coach that sees Mark Sanchez as a “commodity” is just a fucking imbecile.

I understand the platform that we are on. I do. It appears to be wood. With some stairs. And a podium. I understand that. What I can’t, for the life of me, figure out is why there has to be so goddamn many logos back there.

Are there plans in the works to make Kluwe an approved commenter on his own Concourse articles? I understand the hesitation.

He’s just emphasizing the importance of a nuclear family.

So football can just magically change itself into a woman and we call it a hero, but I defend Ray Rice’s actions and suddenly I’m “fucked up” and “creepy” and “sir, we’re gonna have to ask you to leave this Applebee’s and never come back.”

In defense of Mark Brunell, wouldn’t you hate the patriots if they burned holes through your pockets for years?

“I tried to keep it together the best I could. I couldn’t believe it. Then it was, ‘My goodness, it’s actually going to happen.’”

It was so exciting. I wanted to throw up. I’m just so proud of him.

“What are thoooooose?”

“What are thoooooose?”

After carefully mulling this over, Roger suspends you for 8 games because, in your words: “we’re chalking this up as a coincidence.”

They really need someone good with their hands like Thierry Henry.

Reached for comment, Sean Payton stared at a fixed point in space and asked for some water.

Noise: I’m right in front of your fucking face!

There’d be no controversy if that hashtag didn’t contradict Smith’s belief that black lives don’t matter.

The boy asked, “Why, when I needed you most, was there only one set of footprints in the sand?” And Jesus replied, “Because all the other infielders were in the dugout, jerking off.”

Probably not the reaction anyone expected from mixing acid with some bases.