No kidding, Michelle. I can't watch First Take without getting the urge to slap myself either.

Ha!

Responding this way to every heckler would take a lot of balls.

Whoa! She'd better not make Stephen give a Second Take!

Streaming video has gone too far.

Goodell: [loads Deadspin.com]

You're right about the character clause, Barry. Here's the relevant section from the official Twins Hall of Fame Bylaws and Regulations:

Boy have you come to the wrong place.

Meander (12:07:23) bro you talkin to the police now

I'm really just disappointed at the lack of creativity here. I mean, "Tits Mcgee"? That's just a modified baseball joke!

"Our children have to understand that this is a complicated world, and there is a time and a place for dragging women out of elevators," Harbaugh continued. "Like, what if the elevator is on fire? Or the cables holding it in place are snapping and it's about to plummet seventeen stories to be crushed like a beer can…

Ha!

Vikings Lines, Ranked

+1

Huh. Two games seems awfully light. I wonder what they mean by diversionary progr— OH MY GOD A PUPPY THANK YOU ROGER GOODELL

Well, it's easy to see why the Israelis made such a mess of this conflict. They don't even appear to have any goals.

Fred Davis: Your friend looks like 2 Chainz.

Man, Dungy's really reaching now. You can't just substitute Jonathan Martin for Michael Sam. Martin would be terrible at defensive end.

Rovell may look like the fool here, but he'll have the last laugh. Just wait until he weighs in on what this tweet means for DEEZ brand NUTS: The Wise Crackerz™.

Oh god. +1