I used to go to this "Christian" camp and EVERYONE was like that. Super Jesus-happy, "cool" and so "hip" to the "young kids." And then I was one of them, for a couple years before I said "FUCK THIS NOISE, I'M OUT." They wanted me to have a letter from my priest saying I went to mass every Sunday.

God helped me I went and looked. When the chicken bounced off the alfredo like a horrible semen trampoline I cried with laughter.

That seems to be the consensus. I've never heard of that place, though, so I had no idea.

This part makes sense, but I still don't quite get why he was opposing dorm security. On principle?

Because rape statistics aside, being able to lock the front door to your building just seems like, I dunno, a pretty good idea...

southern hospitality = southern thinly veiled hostility.

I think we should replace the bald eagle as our national bird with an avocado with paper wings stuck to it.

You are the master of distillation.

"I am very worried that administration concern for external crime is replacing concern for internal crime. The greater problem is date rape, or assaults by other students, which the planned system would do nothing to stop."

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD YES AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING

ted cruz is a total enigma. texas monthly did a really good profile on him back in february and i highly recommend it. he's such a nut that it's fascinating.

People wouldn't believe you if you told them about Texas-style assholes. They have to be experienced.

this motherfucker

Ah, Fazzoli's. The Taco Bell of Italian food. For when Olive Garden is just too classy.

You can say anything you want about someone as long as you follow up with "Bless their heart". That makes it all acceptable. "That Jim is a total asshole who would sell his grandmother for a nickle. Bless his heart"

Maybe the writer merged "widow" & "dowager" in their mind? Or maybe Mrs. P had major testosterone issues?

Yankees confuse Southerners for polite because A) They don't hear what Southerners say about them as soon as they're out of earshot and B) They don't get that Southerners are not polite and sweet, they're pretty damn passive-aggressive. Up North, where I come from, we just flat out tell you to fuck off to your face.…

I wasn't following the thread with much consentration so when you went

There's a word for that vicarious embarrassment! It's called "fremdschämen."

It happened. I was sitting in the top bunk of my cabin trying hard not to listen, knowing that in their quest to add "totallys", they were interpreting it all wrong even though I have never had a religious bone in my body.

I was trying to think about what this restaurant could be, and I think you may have nailed it. I ate at at Fazoli's back in like 2000-2001 when my dad lived in Austin. I thought it was amazing that you could get food that fast and it seemed like it was from a restaurant where you would have to wait for it to be made.…