That you dismiss the discussion of killing brown children for profit as some sort of dissolution does not speak well of you.

Trump could still come out of this a hero if he did the interview on live TV, and then turned to the cameras and said he only ran to prove how broken and corrupt the system was, that it would elect someone totally unqualified just because he was famous and rich.

I felt kind of bad at how funny I thought she was. We were friends in middle school, but she spent the summer before high school getting stoned with her new metalhead stepbrother who clearly wanted to fuck her, and I spent it hanging with a punch of straight edge DC punks. So by freshman year, we’d diverged a wee bit.

I saw Spinal Tap in the theater when I was 13 with a metalhead friend who didn’t know what it was and did not really understand why it was funny.

I rarely eat snack foods that come in shiny, brightly colored bags and are covered in flavorful dust, but I occasionally buy a small bag if only for the pleasure of wiping that dust off my hand onto the cat, which totally makes his day.

Spoken like Republican president and retired five-star general Dwight Eisenhower, who thought the military-industrial complex was a major threat to democracy, you patronizing prat.

Actually, I’d say him saying he doesn’t normally speak “as a man” is recognition, even if only unconscious, that while “minorities” are always assumed to be speaking for their “minority,” white men just speak for themselves, because they are the default setting.

I went to Reed College 25 years ago.

Starred for “not piping a cake here.”

Which is what I keep telling Bernie Sanders stans.

We sell billions of dollars in arms which kill the poor and further enrich the rich. El Salvador is a “shithole” in part because we sold arms to a corrupt authoritarian regime that favored American corporate interests, kicking off a massive civil war. Haiti is a “shithole” in part because we occupied their country for…

My 42-year old neighbor was lying on the floor with his dog after work, listening to music, drinking a beer, and smoking a bowl before bed, and fell asleep with his keys in his hip pocket. His hip hurt terribly when he woke up, but he assumed it would get better and just put some ice on it. It got worse and worse, but…

I have always hateed football and so hate that I have to transcribe lots of football clips, but goddamn if I didn’t enjoy transcribing, “Tom Brady, sitting bereft on the turf.”

Because it is literally the stunt person’s job to do risky stunts, and so they would be better at driving a rigged car with an unbolted seat on a sandy road than would an actress who openly expressed her concerns about doing it.

The whole repetition and familiarity increase positive perception thing is really insidious.

Are you a vegan? I can hear my newly vegan roommate through the wall all day long; he could totally achieve liftoff with proper technique.

Goddamn, I wish Dr. Hunter S. Thompson were still alive. He may very well have surpassed Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by now.

How many disabled kids do you think there are in the average high school, anyway, that you’re worried about a horde of undeserving cripples diminishing the accomplishments of people more fortunate than themselves? 

Who’d have thunk we would end up with too much genuinely brilliant TV to watch even a fraction of it?