33. Ability to summon gibbering insane, howling maws of twisted flesh from the non-Euclidean abyss beyond our plane.

I found this gem too :

Yeah, never heard of the damn thing until today.

The world’s most awesomest grandpa ever.

This is not a sexual activity, this is a psychological activity. If this is puppy-play (and it probably is), a lot of the time it’s not seriously sexual at all. Part of the POINT of it is that it’s innocent; you’re pretending to be something totally innocent and free.

I mean, she said that video games shouldn’t be actively sexist, that seems like an incredibly proportionate response.

Oysters! Same damn thing! Admittedly, not jazzed about the food safety issues of those eras, but gimme them oyster carts and cheap-ass lobster any day.

One time my cat pissed me off so much I shut her in the laundry room for three hours just to not look at her. As I did so, I told her “And you know why I get to do this? BECAUSE YOU’RE A FUCKING CAT!”

My cat wakes me up with the sounds of her profound existential anxiety.

The Republicans already have a national plan. It is called the “cross your fingers and hope someone else is in office when it really hits the fan”-plan. The Tea Partiers have yet another from that, it is called “well the rapture will happen first”. And the Libertarian plan is called Plan “Yes Please”.

Have you eaten any kind of fruit or vegetable in the past six weeks? 9/10 it was from California, hell there’s a pretty good chance some of your meat was too, so you can fuck off with your “its just a regional problem” nonsense.

Does anyone remember the SNL skit where Ronald Reagan was a bumbling idiot on TV, and as soon as the cameras were off he started barking orders like Tommy Lee Jones in The Fugitive? I feel like that scenario isn’t entirely implausible here.

I mentioned on FB that the Texas GOP explicitly condemns homosexual people. People were straight up “NUH_UH!”

Nice try, JONATHAN.

My moneys on yes

Damage Control

Toy companies don’t believe boys will buy action figures of girls.

Okay, now THAT is some next-level bullshit right there.

Have you wondered what it’s like to get fucked by the Apple Watch?